The Leaves of a Book
by Rae325
Summary: "Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by his heart." –Virginia Woolf. When Charlotte's brother calls with bad news, the King-Freedman-Warner family takes a trip to Alabama.
1. Chapter 1

The wind is blowing hard on a clear, cool, August evening. Summer is coming to an end – Cooper can feel it in the air. That, and Mason has begun a solemn count down of the days until he starts school again – currently nineteen.

Cooper is standing at the back door of his new house watching Charlotte and Mason sitting on the deck together deep in conversation. Mason's allergies have been acting up, which prompted Charlotte to begin explaining the immune system to him. Cooper's pretty sure that at this rate, if Mason does go to medical school, he will have already heard all the material from his momma.

"So B-cells are the ones that make your body remember when you've been sick before?" Mason clarifies.

"Yep. And T-cells are the ones that kill the bacteria or virus that's attacking your body."

Cooper shakes his head with a smile. Mason's forth grade teacher is about to have her hands full.

It's been five months now that Mason has been living with Cooper and Charlotte, and things are settling down. The three of them have gotten into the daily routines of being a family. Today, Charlotte and Cooper had woken Mason up early to make the most of their Saturday. They'd had a day at the beach, followed by Charlotte trying to teach Mason to play tennis (an attempt just successful enough that Mason and Cooper could be on one team and not lose horribly to Charlotte playing alone). Family dinners had become part of their routine. Cooper was generally in charge of cooking, though Charlotte was trying to learn to make a few things. Barring emergencies with patients, dinner with all three of them sitting down together was a must.

When Cooper and Charlotte started sleeping together – long before Charlotte would acknowledge that they might actually have been in a relationship – Cooper had developed the habit of watching Charlotte when she wasn't looking. She'd be doing something, not paying attention to Cooper, and he would just stare at her, trying to memorize everything about the woman with whom he seemed to be unable to stop himself from falling in love. Charlotte would notice eventually and yell at him, but that was small price to pay.

Cooper's gotten back into that habit recently, and he often finds himself lost in watching Charlotte and Mason together. Some days when Cooper watches the two of them brushing their teeth at the sink together or reading a bedtime story, he still marvels at how lucky he got. Cooper is pretty sure that Charlotte is the happiest he has ever seen her. For a woman who had told Cooper that she didn't like or want kids, Charlotte is obviously in her element as a mother. Right now, finishing up a bowl of ice cream and teaching Mason about the immune system, Charlotte looks completely content.

Charlotte glances at Cooper then, and he knows he's been caught. Charlotte smiles at her husband, "What are you staring at?"

"My two favorite people," Cooper tells her, walking back to the table and sitting down next to his wife on the long bench seat at the table. Charlotte chuckles and pulls Cooper against her. Cooper lays his head on his wife's shoulder, and she runs her fingers through his hair.

"Momma," Mason whines a minute later, drawing Charlotte's attention back to him.

"Aren't you impatient?"

"I'm sorry that I want to learn." Charlotte laughs softly – no way to argue with that one. She messes up Mason's hair and goes back to explaining vaccines.

Cooper closes his eyes and listens to the chirp of insects and the rhythm of Charlotte's voice.

Next thing Cooper knows, the sound of the phone ringing brings him back to consciousness. He groans as Charlotte nudges him off her shoulder so she can run inside and answer the phone.

"Hey Landry," Charlotte greets her brother.

"Charlie, you need to come down here."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Momma. She's in the hospital. It's real bad." Landry's speaking quickly and he sounds like he's been crying. Charlotte can count on one hand the number of times that she's seen her brother cry.

"What happened, Lan?"

"The doctors said it's her liver. It's bad, Charlie," Charlotte can hear in her brother's voice what he isn't saying: that their mother is dying.

"What were her liver enzymes?"

"I don't know. I'm not a doctor. They were saying she might need a transplant, but her kidneys are bad too now. You need to come."

Cooper can hear the conversation from where he's sitting. Just from listening to Charlotte's end of the conversation, Cooper knows it's bad. Cooper gets up, squeezes Mason's shoulder, and walks inside. Charlotte is leaning against the kitchen counter. She's silent and looks like she's trying to keep herself from breaking down. Cooper stands next to Charlotte and wraps his arm around her waist. Her husband's touch is enough to make Charlotte feel like she could dissolve into tears, but she takes a deep breath and swallows the lump in her throat.

"Charlie," Charlotte hears her brother say, and Charlotte realizes that she hasn't responded to him yet.

"Yeah. Sorry. Of course. I'm going to look at flights."

"Hurry, Charlie. I don't know what to do here. Momma keeps screaming at everyone. Says she wants to go home. And Duke's no help."

"I'll see if I can find a flight tonight. Call me if anything changes, ok?"

"Yeah. Bye."

"Bye." Charlotte hangs up the phone. She's staring at the phone in her hands, and Cooper watches as his wife tries to keep herself together.

"Char?" Cooper whispers, rubbing her back gently.

"It sounds like she's in acute liver failure and her kidneys are shutting down. I need to go down there."

"I'll call about flights. Should we take Mason or do you want me to call Violet? I'm sure she could watch him for a while."

Before Charlotte can mull the question over, Mason is standing in the doorway to the kitchen. "I promise I'll be good. Please, can I come with you?" He asks sounding panicked at the idea of not going with his parents. "Please. I won't get in the way at all."

Cooper isn't entirely sure what Mason's reaction is about. Charlotte walks over to Mason, puts her hand on his back, and guides him to sit with her on the sofa. Cooper follows behind and joins them. "Take a deep breath," Charlotte tells Mason, who looks like he is on the verge of tears.

"Can I come with you, Momma?"

"Of course, Mase," Charlotte tells her son, rubbing his back. She wishes that she and Cooper had gotten to have a conversation about bringing Mason, but if he's this upset, she can't leave him home. "Your dad and I are just worried that coming with us would be hard for you." Cooper's hand finds Charlotte's thigh and gives it a squeeze. Charlotte looks over at Cooper, and she offers him a sad smile. "It sounds like my momma is really sick," Charlotte tells Mason, "and I know that's a lot for you to deal with now."

"I really, really want to come with you," Mason tells his parents, apparently still not sure he's convinced them.

"Ok, sweetie," Charlotte tells Mason, running a hand through his hair. "Are you ok?" she asks, and Mason nods. "I want to try to leave for Alabama tonight, so why don't you go upstairs and pick out some clothes to take. Remember that it's still really hot down there."

"Ok." Mason says, before leaning over and giving Charlotte a hug. "I'm sorry that your momma is sick," he tells her squeezing tightly.

Charlotte feels the tears building in her eyes again. She turns her head and places a kiss against Mason's soft hair. "Thank you honey." Mason reluctantly pulls away, seeming to not want to leave his momma if she's upset. "Do you want to talk about anything?" Charlotte asks when Mason stands up, sensing his continued uneasiness.

"No. I'm ok, Momma. I'll go pack."

"Ok. I'll come up and check that you have everything in a few minutes." Charlotte waits to hear Mason's footsteps on the stairs before letting herself melt into her husband's side. Cooper wraps his arms around Charlotte. "I couldn't say no to him," Charlotte tells Cooper.

"I agree. We can't leave him like that," Cooper tells Charlotte. "What do you think that was about?"

"He's never been away from us, and I'm sure my momma being sick makes him think about Erica. This is going to be hard on him," Charlotte says shaking her head. She'd finally started feeling like Mason was getting back to being a happy, carefree kid.

"Hey," Cooper lifts Charlotte's chin so that she's looking at him. "He'll be fine." Cooper's worried about Charlotte. He's scared that she's about to throw herself into taking care of everyone around her and ignore her own needs.

As much as Charlotte wants to take comfort in her husband's arms and forget everything that's waiting for her in Alabama, she knows that she can't do that right now. She gives Cooper a long, deep kiss, trying to draw strength from him, before standing to get the phone and book three tickets to Montgomery.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time Cooper wonders if bringing Mason was a bad idea is when Charlotte finally gets in touch with her mother's doctor. Charlotte, Cooper, and Mason had been sitting at the terminal waiting for their flight when Charlotte managed to contact the doctor in Alabama. Charlotte had gotten up and walked just out of earshot to have the conversation. Cooper watches Charlotte intently, wishing that he knew how to lip-read. Instead Cooper has to rely on how well he can read his wife's face; it's a skill that Cooper likes to believe he's cultivated in the five years he's spent with Charlotte.

Cooper watches as Charlotte's chin trembles slightly and her eyes become glassy. He thinks he can make out her saying _thank you_. It would make sense at least, because a moment later, Charlotte's demeanor completely changes, and Cooper guesses that she's speaking to her brother. Charlotte is talking animatedly and raising her voice to a point where Cooper can hear her but still not make out her words. Cooper watches Charlotte calm herself; she takes a deep breath and nods slightly. A minute later, she ends the conversation and immediately walks away from where Cooper and Mason are sitting.

Cooper knows that Charlotte left because she's on the verge of tears are doesn't want Mason to see her right now. At least he hopes that's why. Cooper likes to think that Charlotte has no qualms anymore about sharing her feelings with him, but periodically doubts nag at him.

Cooper debates for a moment whether it's ok to leave a nine year old unsupervised in the airport, but ultimately decides that Mason will be safe. "Mase, can you stay here for a few minutes?"

"Are you going to talk to Momma?" Mason asks, and Cooper can see the anxiety and concern in his son's eyes.

"Yeah. Will you be ok?"

"Mmmhmm."

Cooper finds Charlotte at an empty terminal nearby. She's looking out the window, so Cooper can't see her face as he approaches. Cooper is next to Charlotte before she notices him, and when she looks at him, Cooper knows before Charlotte says a word. "She's going to die," Charlotte tells him. Cooper can definitely read Charlotte's body language well enough to know that she wants to be held.

Cooper wraps his arms around Charlotte and she buries her face in his chest. "I'm so sorry, Char." Charlotte doesn't say anything, and Cooper just holds her tightly for a few moments. Charlotte's breathing is still even, so Cooper knows that she isn't crying. He wonders if it just hasn't sunk in yet or if she's trying to stay composed.

"Maybe you should stay with Mason," Charlotte suggests reluctantly. She really doesn't want to face her momma dying alone, but this feels like too much for Mason to handle.

"I'm coming with you, Charlotte." Cooper tells his wife incredulously. The suggestion that Cooper should let Charlotte go to Alabama alone is absurd.

This sets Charlotte off. The reminder that she isn't alone, that Cooper would never leave her to deal with this alone, finally brings her to tears. It's not that she didn't know that Cooper will always be there for her; it's just that this reminder of Cooper's love for her is the final overwhelming emotion that makes Charlotte come apart.

Charlotte is crying softly against Cooper's chest. Despite the comfort of her husband's tight embrace, Charlotte's mind is racing. The prospect of dealing with everything she needs to deal with right now is overwhelming. Landry is about to let their dying mother sign herself out of the hospital. Duke, despite having recently turned 30, is apparently just as unable to deal with their mother's death as their father's. He had refused to see Augusta at the hospital and was instead sitting at his mother's house trying to make a dent in her copious supply of bourbon. Right now, Charlotte needs to deal with her most immediate concern: Mason.

"How can we take Mason with us?" Charlotte asks, looking up at her husband. "I shouldn't have agreed to him coming. I'm sorry Coop."

"Shhh," Cooper soothes, rubbing Charlotte's back, before they pull apart and sit down together. "Mason's going to know your mom is dying whether he's in Monroeville or here. He doesn't have to go to the hospital at all. Someone at your mom's house can watch him right?"

"My momma wants to go home."

"What?" Cooper can't imagine someone with the complications of liver and renal failure deciding to leave the hospital.

"Landry's arranging a nurse," Charlotte tells her husband, scrubbing her face with her hands. She looks back up at Cooper, who puts his hand on her neck. "I used to be better at this," she mutters.

"At what?"

"Keeping it all together. Taking care of everything."

"You don't have to keep it together. And whatever you need me to do I can do. You just tell me." Charlotte gives Cooper a thankful smile.

"Do you think Mason will be alright if he comes with us?" Charlotte asks her husband. She's on the fence about what to do with Mason. She knows he will be upset if they try to leave him in LA, and at least if he's with them, Charlotte can talk to him about everything and comfort him when he's hurting.

"I think this is going to affect him either way."

"I know. I guess you're right. What if we stay at a hotel when we get in, keep Mase away from the fray? And I'm sure Bernie will be able to watch him when we need," Charlotte says, offering up her mother's housekeeper's babysitting services.

"I think that's the best plan we've got," Cooper tells her. The situation will never be good, and this feels like the best they can do.

Cooper and Charlotte hear the announcement for their flight, so they head back to the boarding area where Mason is eagerly waiting for them. "Are you ok, Momma?"

"Yeah, sweetie," Charlotte tells Mason, as he stands up and gathers his bags. She wraps an arm around Mason, giving him a little squeeze as they line up at the gate.

"Can I sit by the window?" Mason asks when they get to their seats.

"Sure," Charlotte tells him. "You can take the aisle, Coop."

"You sure?"

"You need about a foot more leg room than I do, so I'm sure," Charlotte tells her husband. And it's true, Cooper gets the aisle because he's taller, but Charlotte certainly doesn't mind sitting next to her two favorite people.

Mason spends the first five minutes watching the bright lights that are Los Angeles become smaller and smaller, until they disappear from view. Not long after that, he's asleep. It's only 8:30, but they'd had a tiring day even before Landry had called. Charlotte is thankful for Mason's ability to sleep just about anywhere and through just about anything. They have a four and a half hour flight to Atlanta, an hour layover, an hour-long flight to Montgomery, and a two-hour drive to Monroeville. By the time they arrive, it will be morning.

Charlotte covers Mason with a blanket. She wonders if it will ever stop taking her breath away just how much she loves him. Charlotte lifts up the armrest between herself and Cooper, and leans her body against his. Cooper wraps his arm around Charlotte. Usually the prospect of four and a half hours of forced stillness would make Charlotte crazy, but right now she needs the time to collect herself before she faces her family. She closes her eyes and tries to make the most of the calm before the storm.


	3. Chapter 3

Charlotte had taken the first driving shift. It was 5 a.m. and still dark when the plane landed. She knew these roads by heart and could navigate them easily in the dark. Around 6 o'clock Charlotte pulled off at a rest stop. She needed to get more coffee in her, and she needed to pee. Mason had begun to stir a few minutes earlier, and by the time they get out of the car, he seemed fully awake.

"How are you doing Mase?" Cooper asks his son, while they wait for Charlotte to get out of the bathroom.

"I'm ok. Are we almost there?" Mason asks. He's been really good about not complaining, but Cooper knows that it's been a long night.

"Another hour," Cooper says as he wraps his arm around Mason.

Charlotte walks over to them. She wants to quickly pick up coffee and food and get back on the road. "What do you want to eat, Mase?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You planning to go back to sleep?"

"Nah. I'm just not hungry yet."

"How about we get you a muffin just in case you get hungry before we get there?"

"Ok," Mason says with a shrug. "Thanks."

They're heading back to the car ten minutes later. Charlotte has already downed half her coffee, and Cooper isn't far behind with his. Cooper is carrying a bag with a few muffins and bagels. "I can drive now," Cooper offers.

"You sure?"

"As long as you navigate."

"I can handle that," Charlotte tells Cooper. Once Mason is in the car, she adds, "I'm going to get in the back with Mason, tell him what's going on before we get to my momma's house."

Cooper knows that Charlotte is right, that they need to talk to Mason before they get to Monroeville. Cooper gives Charlotte's arm a squeeze, and she smiles at him, mentally preparing for this conversation.

"Can I hop in the back with you?" Charlotte asks Mason.

"Sure."

Cooper is pulling back onto I-65 when Charlotte tells Mason. "I need to talk to you, honey."

"What's wrong?" Mason asks, and Charlotte wonders whether she looks visibly upset or whether Mason is just used to hearing bad news recently.

"My momma is going to die," Charlotte tells Mason. Mason has never met Augusta King, but Charlotte can't imagine how this wouldn't be hard for a nine-year-old boy who just lost his mother. "I know this is a lot for you to deal with, and I want you to know that the most important thing to your daddy and me is taking care of you. So, I want—"

Charlotte is cut off by Mason throwing himself against her. Mason wraps his arms tightly around Charlotte. "I'm so sorry, Momma."

Charlotte kisses Mason's head and puts her arms around him. "Thank you, sweetie."

"Can I do anything to help you?" Mason asks, and Charlotte swears that every time Mason opens his mouth she just loves him more.

"I'm ok. I'm sad, but I'm ok. You don't need to worry about me."

"But you're my momma."

"Exactly. That means it's my job to take care of you. Not the other way around."

"But you took care of me when my mom died. I want to help you too." Charlotte is pretty sure that if Mason keeps this up, she will be in tears soon. He is just so damn sweet.

"Being with you makes me feel better," she tells Mason, brushing his hair back from his face, "and your hugs always make me happy." Charlotte is rewarded with a smile from her son – another thing that never fails to brighten her mood.

Charlotte settles Mason against her side. "I want you to remember that you can tell me if you're upset or sad. No matter what's happening, you are my number one priority. You got that?"

"But your momma is dying, we should take care of you." Charlotte looks up and makes eye contact with Cooper in the rearview mirror. They share a look that says _we have the best kid in the world_.

"It means a lot to me that you want to take care of me. But that is your dad's job. He and I take care of each other." Cooper smiles to himself. Mason has no idea what a hard fought battle it was to get Charlotte to let Cooper take care of her. "So you don't need to worry about us. But I want you to promise me that you will talk to me or your dad if you're hurting, because we are always going to take care of you."

"Ok. I promise."

"Good," Charlotte tells Mason, and for a while Charlotte lets silence surround them as she watches the familiar scenery pass by.

When they approach the turnoff to I-84, and Charlotte knows they're only about 20 minutes from her family's home, she tells Mason, "When we get there I need to go over to my momma's house and see her. I was thinking that you and your daddy could drop me off and explore town a while."

"We can just come with you," Mason tells his momma.

"You can come if you want, but you need to know that my momma will be there. You don't have to see her, but I was thinking it might upset you anyway."

"No, it's ok," Mason tells her. "I'd rather stay with you."

Charlotte looks up to try to catch Cooper glaze. Cooper tells Charlotte, "How about we come with you, and then if Mason wants to leave we can?"

"That ok, Mase?" Charlotte asks.

"Sure."

As they approach Monroeville, Charlotte has Cooper pull off the road so they can switch drivers. Charlotte drives through town, giving a little tour as they go: her high school, the church she went to as a child, Harper Lee's home. Charlotte navigates the road to her family's house without a thought. She'd been driving down this winding road since Big Daddy taught her to drive 20 years ago.

"This is your house?" Mason asks incredulously, as Charlotte turns off the engine.

"Yep."

"It's huge!"

Charlotte gets out of the car. The air is warm and heavy, and to Charlotte it feels like home, like all the childhood summers spent riding her horse and swimming in the river. No matter how long she spends away from Monroeville, being in this place is still comfortable and familiar. Her family on the other hand, seeing them usually involves conflict and guilt and an overwhelming feeling of wanting to get back to California as soon as possible.

Charlotte rings the doorbell and a woman in her mid-sixties answers. Cooper recognizes her as the Kings' housekeeper, Bernie. "Hello, Charlotte dear. Come in, come in," Bernie says guiding them into the large open foyer of the house.

"Hi Bernie," Charlotte says with a warm smile, "It's good to see you again."

"You too. I just wish it were under better circumstances." Bernie turns to Cooper and adds, " and it is good to see you again." Bernie had met Cooper when Big Daddy died, and she'd always liked him. "I knew you two would end up together," she tells Cooper with a conspiratory grin.

"It's nice to see you again," Cooper replies.

Charlotte pulls Mason over to her. "Bernie, this is my son Mason. Mase, this is Bernie. She has been with my family since I was younger than you are."

"It is very nice to meet you Mason."

"You too."

"You all must be exhausted. Can I get you anything to eat or drink?" Bernie asks.

Mason looks up at Charlotte, and she figures that he's uncomfortable with the idea of asking a servant for something. "You hungry?" Charlotte asks Mason.

"Yeah," he tells her.

"Why don't you three come with me, and we can get some food in you. You like waffles Mason?"

"Yeah," Mason tells Bernie, excitedly. Waffles happen to be his favorite.

Charlotte walks with them into the kitchen and then asks Bernie. "Is everyone in my momma's room?"

"Your brothers are out back having a drink. But your momma is all situated in her room. The nurse is up there with her. Pastor Timothy just left a few minutes ago."

Charlotte will have to deal with her brothers later. Right now she needs to see her momma. Charlotte and her mother have never been close, but Charlotte needs to be there for her momma now. No one should have to die alone, and no matter what kind of mother she was, Augusta should have her children by her side.

Cooper looks at his son, "You ok here for a little while?"

"Sure Dad."

"Don't worry Dr. Freedman," Bernie tells Cooper, "I can watch Mason."

Cooper thanks Bernie, insists that she call him by his first name, and then wraps his arm around Charlotte and walks with her out of the room.

As they walk up the stairs Cooper asks, "Do you want me to come see her with you?"

"No, Momma won't allow that I'm sure. I'll be lucky if she even wants me to see her like this."

"Ok, well I'll just be right outside her room," Cooper tells her.

"No, it's fine. Go get some breakfast," Charlotte tells her husband. "You really don't want to pass up Bernie's waffles."

They get to Augusta's room and Charlotte tries to prepare herself. She's seen plenty of terminally ill people before, but somehow you're just never prepared when it's your own family. Cooper gives Charlotte's waist a squeeze. "I'll be right here." Charlotte nods and opens the door to her mother's room.

Augusta's room is large and ornate. They've moved a hospital bed into the room and placed it catty-corner to the four-poster bed that Charlotte remembers from when she was a small child. She used to love jumping on that bed. It was springier than her bed and when she was four or five, Charlotte would sneak in for a bounce when she thought her parents weren't looking. It was a pastime that more often than not ended in Big Daddy yelling at her.

Charlotte quietly shuts the door behind her, and the nurse sitting besides Augusta looks up. Charlotte knows the nurse – Diana – she's the same woman who had taken care of Big Daddy. The Kings are a family that appreciates discretion, and Diana had been good at keeping her mouth shut when Charlotte's father was dying. She'd turned a blind eye to Augusta's drinking and drug abuse (as well as the general family dysfunction) and hadn't spread this salacious piece of gossip about the King family around town.

Charlotte draws closer to where Augusta is lying, and the older woman opens her eyes. "Hi Momma."

Augusta struggles to sit up, and Diana adjusts the bed to a sitting position. Diana asks Charlotte, "Do you want me to give you two some time alone?"

"Yes. Thank you," Charlotte tells Diana, who walks out the door.

Charlotte takes the newly vacated seat and looks her mother over. Augusta is jaundiced and swollen. Her eyes won't quite focus on her daughter, and Charlotte wonders if this is the beginning of cerebral edema or simply the result of morphine. "How are you feeling, Momma?" Charlotte asks, taking her mother's hand.

"Charlotte?"

"Yeah, Momma," Charlotte answers and gives her mother's hand a squeeze.

"When did you get here baby girl?"

"Just now. Cooper, Mason, and I flew in this morning."

"Mason?" Augusta questions, and Charlotte knows her mother's mental status is altered. If Augusta's brain is swelling, they're talking a matter of hours or days at the most.

Charlotte swallows around the lump in her throat, "Mason's my son, remember?"

"I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," Charlotte replies, her eyes filling with tears.

"Baby girl?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could go get me a glass of bourbon?"

Charlotte is caught off guard by the absurdity of a woman with end stage liver failure asking for alcohol, the very thing that put her in this position to begin with. A tidal wave of anger floods Charlotte, and she's suddenly on the verge of screaming at her mother. She needs to leave the room before she starts saying things that she'll regret. Charlotte lets go of her mother's hand, stands up, and walks out.

She finds Cooper standing outside the door just where she left him talking to Diana, who dutifully reenters Augusta's room as soon as she sees Charlotte. "Take a walk with me?" Charlotte asks Cooper, and he follows her silently out of the house and onto the vast grounds of her family's property.

They're almost a quarter mile from the house when Charlotte finally blurts out, "She asked me to get her a drink," Cooper isn't sure what to say. He can guess why this is making Charlotte upset, but he waits to hear from his wife what she's feeling. "She's sitting in there, dying of liver failure, and she asked me to get her bourbon. And I get that she's an addict, and it doesn't matter now anyway, but I'm so angry at her Coop."

"It's ok to be angry," Cooper tells Charlotte. "And I'm guessing you're angry about a lot more than just the fact that she wants a drink right now."

"It's not ok for me to be angry. I don't have time to process my emotions and work through everything that happened in my childhood. I don't have years to lie on a couch for that psychobabble crap. She's dying now, and I need to be able to be there for her."

Cooper really wishes he knew what to say. He has great relationships with his parents, and he can't quite imagine what it feels with to have sorrow and grief tied so tightly to anger. Before Cooper can think of anything comforting and helpful to say, Charlotte is talking again. "I used to think I understood her. She resented Landry, Duke, and me. She was stuck in this life she didn't want and using got her through it. I know how addiction takes over your whole life and makes you selfish."

Charlotte takes a deep breath, tries to put the right words to these feelings. "But now that I have Mason…" she trails off again, shakes her head. "There is no better reason in the world to stay clean. I have this precious little boy who needs me and I don't get how you don't put your child first." Charlotte feels like a child herself voicing these sentiments, wishing her mother had loved her more. It's history. No amount of yapping about it will change anything.

"I would never do anything to hurt Mason. God, Coop, if I ever…"

Cooper remembers then a conversation they'd once had about having kids. Charlotte had been scared of being like her mother, scared of sitting around drinking instead of taking care of her children. "Hey, Char," Cooper wants to stop Charlotte before she lets her mind wander down this path. "You are an amazing mother. I know you would never hurt Mason."

Charlotte looks at Cooper and the fear and pain in her eyes break his heart. Cooper puts a hand on her cheek, caressing it gently. Charlotte stands on her tip toes and reaches up to give Cooper a long, deep kiss. She finally pulls away, breathless, and just stands nose to nose with Cooper, breathing in the same air.

Charlotte looks up at Cooper a moment later. She gives him a smile. Cooper realizes that he barely said a word to Charlotte, but that she seems calmed and comforted nonetheless. He loves that he can do that for her.

Charlotte knows that she still isn't in the right frame of mind to see her mother again. "Can we go get Mason and walk some more?" Charlotte asks, and Cooper nods with a smile. Before she goes back to see her mother, Charlotte needs to spend some time with the people in her life who make everything feel easy and right.


	4. Chapter 4

"You do know our mother is dying in there, right? And she isn't taking her time about it."

Landry looks up from his glass of bourbon at his sister. "I know, because I rushed her to the hospital last night." He looks back down at his glass and takes another long sip.

Charlotte understands. Her brothers are in pain, and she's sure the night had been incredibly difficult for Landry, who had taken care of everything alone. They need a mental respite from what's happening. Charlotte had just spent a half hour with her family to calm down and center herself. But it wasn't too long ago that she would have chosen to try to ignore the pain, drown it out with anonymous sex. Before that it had been pills. So, really she understands.

Charlotte settles herself into one of the wicker chairs in the garden. It's peaceful out here. She wonders if her brothers like it here because of the time she spent rocking them on the swing in this garden when they were little. Charlotte is five and a half years older than Landry and nearly seven years older than Duke. Their mother's drug use had escalated badly after her youngest son was born, and Augusta had taken to spending ever-increasing amounts of time in her room. There had always been nannies to take care of the King children, but Charlotte loved being a big sister, and from the moment Landy was born she had insisted on carrying him around like a baby doll and singing him to sleep.

By the time Duke was born, Charlotte's care taking had become less of a childhood amusement and more of a necessity. They had a particularly cold nanny then, and while she would take care of all the children's basic needs, she would never be nurturing with them. So, Charlotte had taken on the role herself, and sometimes she still feels more like a mother to Duke than a sister.

Big Daddy would see Charlotte sitting in the garden with her brothers when he was on his way to work. He'd stop and tell Charlotte how sweet she was, and it wasn't until she'd gotten older that she'd wondered why he hadn't been concerned that his ten year old daughter was taking care of his sons while his wife was locked in her room with bourbon and valium.

"I'm going to go and sit with Momma. She may not be conscious for too much longer," Charlotte tells her brother.

Landry swirls the amber liquid in his glass a moment, before downing it in a gulp. "Let's go," he tells his sister standing up.

Duke hasn't even acknowledged the conversation, and he simply keeps staring into his glass. "Duke," Charlotte says, and he looks up. "You going to come with us?" Duke shakes his head, and for a minute it pisses Charlotte off. It pisses her off that her grown brother doesn't have the strength to do what her nine year old son did just months ago and say goodbye to his mother. But Charlotte recognizes that she's angry at the whole situation more than that she's angry at her brother. He's doing the best he can, she figures. Charlotte stands, clasps Duke on the shoulder, and walks back to the house with Landry.

"Thanks for taking care of everything yesterday, Lan," Charlotte tells her brother once they are settled into chairs on either side of their mother's bed.

"Don't worry about it," he tells her. Landry knows that his sister feels guilty for not being the one to take care of her family. She's the oldest and a woman, and in the small town where they grew up, the idea of her leaving to pursue a career elsewhere is not smiled upon. Charlotte had an itch to explore and travel and learn since Landry can remember, so it didn't come as a surprise to him when she'd accepted a spot at Harvard for college. Landry on the other hand loved his life in Monroeville. He'd taken over the family business when their father died and couldn't imagine leaving his hometown.

Augusta spends the next few hours floating in and out of consciousness, and Charlotte tries her hardest to comfort her mother with soothing words and touches. Charlotte had felt closer to Erica in her dying days than to Augusta now. Charlotte and Erica had been bonded by love for their child, and Erica had allowed herself to be vulnerable with Charlotte, to take comfort in Charlotte's presence. Augusta on the other hand was being stoic to the last. Even now in her final moments of lucidity, she doesn't let her emotions show.

As Augusta slips out of consciousness for the last time, Charlotte keeps holding her mother's hand. Charlotte knows what it's like to refuse to let it show when you're terrified. In a lot of ways, Augusta reminds Charlotte of who she used to be: an addict, a woman emotionally closed off from those around her. And Charlotte knows that loneliness, so she holds her mother's hand and hopes that despite everything between them, Augusta takes some comfort in her daughter's presence.

Charlotte wipes her eyes and looks over at Landry as Augusta loses consciousness. His eyes are wet too, and it's comforting to Charlotte to be sitting here with her brother. Charlotte gets lost in her thoughts for a few minutes before Landry breaks the silence. "Do you remember your baptism?"

Charlotte laughs and tells her brother, "I thought Momma was going to be so mad." Augusta had dressed her daughter in yet another atrocious family dress that Charlotte absolutely hated. At 13, Charlotte was something of a tomboy and had developed a sharp oppositional streak. So right after her mother had wrangled her into her dress and set her hair, Charlotte had taken her horse for a ride. She'd come back an hour later covered from head to toe in mud.

"But she just laughed and laughed," Landry says.

"I think that was the hardest I ever heard her laugh," Charlotte tells him. Augusta's breathing becomes erratic then, and Charlotte lays her hand on her mother's forehead. "It's ok, Momma," Charlotte soothes as her mother stops breathing. Charlotte says a silent prayer that her mother will finally find peace.


	5. Chapter 5

Charlotte, Cooper, and Mason had ended up staying at the Kings' house after all. With no dying woman in the room next door, there had been no reason to go to a hotel. Charlotte and Cooper had settled Mason into Charlotte's old bedroom around 7 o'clock. He'd been exhausted, and after listening to under two pages of a bedtime story, had fallen asleep.

This is the first time Charlotte had ever heard the house quiet, she thinks, as she brushes her teeth barely an hour after settling her son into bed. She'd grown up with two raucous brothers, and any time Charlotte came home for a visit there would be a house full of nieces, nephews, and cousins.

Cooper hadn't expected his wife to get much sleep tonight. Since he'd known Charlotte, she'd been a bit of an insomniac. But the combination of no sleep the night before and the awful, stressful day had knocked Charlotte out before 9. It's too early for Cooper to fall asleep, but he wants to be by Charlotte's side in case she needs him.

Mason walks into the room not long after Charlotte had fallen asleep. "What's up, Mason?" Cooper asks his son. The only illumination in the room is from the full moon outside, and Cooper can just barely make out Mason's tear filled eyes.

"Momma," Mason mutters.

Cooper doesn't want to wake his wife, so he asks Mason, "What's wrong?"

"I want Momma," Mason tells Cooper again. Cooper has really tried to get past his jealousy, but it still cuts at him when Mason prefers to talk to or be comforted by Charlotte. He knows Charlotte would tell him to grow up. And he knows his own mother, who could not love him more if he were her own flesh and blood, would be hurt and angry. But Mason wanting Charlotte instead of Cooper still awakens a jealous voice in Cooper's head that insists, _but he's mine_.

"Mason, tell me what's wrong." Cooper isn't sure at this point whether he isn't waking Charlotte because he wants to let his grieving wife sleep or because he's being possessive of Mason. But either way, Mason is having none of it.

Mason runs over to Charlotte's side of the bed and shakes her arm. Charlotte opens her eyes to see Mason standing next to her with tears streaming down his face. She puts her hand on his arm, giving him a little tug, "C'mere," she urges still half asleep.

Mason climbs on the bed and throws his arms around Charlotte's neck. Charlotte wraps her arms around her son, and as he curls himself into her lap she realizes that his pants are wet. He must have had an accident, but Charlotte has never seen Mason this clingy after wetting the bed, and he's never crawled onto her lap covered in urine before. Charlotte figures that the peeing is low on the priority list as Mason sobs into her neck. "Did you have a nightmare?" she asks, and Mason nods. "I've got you, sweetie," Charlotte reassures her son as she rubs his back.

"I dreamed that you died," Mason tells his momma. Cooper feels absolutely awful for trying to keep Mason from waking Charlotte, and he reaches over and puts a hand on his son's back.

"It was just a dream, honey," Charlotte tells Mason. "I'm right here. I've got you."

"Momma. I love you so much," Mason sobs, desperately, and it kills Charlotte to see him in so much pain.

"I love you too Mason. I'm right here, you hear me? It was just a dream." Charlotte cradles Mason in her arms and rubs his back as he cries. Her own pain, Charlotte can deal with, but she just never imagined that you could hurt so much for another person.

Cooper realizes then that the blanket is damp, and so he asks, "Mase, did you have an accident?"

Mason reacts with such surprise and apologizes so much that Charlotte isn't sure that he knew he peed until Cooper pointed it out. "I'm sorry, Momma. I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" he trails off embarrassed that he's sitting on his mother's lap after wetting himself.

"It's ok, Mase," Charlotte tells him. "Everything is ok. Look at me," Charlotte waits for eye contact, and then tells Mason calmly. "It was just a bad dream. I'm ok. And we will get you all cleaned up – that is not a big deal." Mason sniffles as he tries to calm himself. Charlotte wipes his cheeks. "You want to sit here a little longer before we get you washed up?" Mason nods and lays his head on Charlotte's shoulder.

When Mason's crying tapers off, Charlotte asks, "You ready to take a bath now?" Mason nods, and Charlotte stands up, setting Mason's feet on the floor. He wraps his arms around Charlotte's waist as they walk to the bathroom.

Charlotte runs the water in the bathroom adjoining the guest room. When she turns back around to look at Mason he looks so lost. Charlotte sits on the edge of the tub and pulls Mason onto her lap. "I'm sorry Momma," he whispers.

"For wetting the bed?"

"Mmhmm. And now you're wet too."

"I can change my clothes. Don't you worry about any of that," Charlotte tells Mason, kissing the side of his head.

"You shouldn't have to take care of me now," Mason tells Charlotte. It takes her a second to realize what Mason is talking about. She'd been so focused on comforting Mason that she hadn't been thinking of her mother.

"I told you, honey; you always come first." Being a mother had been so instinctual for Charlotte. Normally she was a logical woman whose actions were guided by reason and not emotion. But this kid had been thrown into her lap, and she had just acted.

Mason's tear filled voice brings Charlotte back from her thoughts. "You can't die Momma," he tells her. She wishes there was something to say to reassure him. She would do anything for this child, but this is a promise she can't make.

"I'm right here. I love you so much." Mason had finally been getting back to the smart alec kid she'd met almost a year ago, and it hurts Charlotte so much to think that her momma's death is going to set Mason back.

The tub fills, and Charlotte reaches to shut off the water. "You ready to get in?" she asks.

"Will you stay here with me?" Mason asks.

"Of course," she tells him. Mason gets in the bath, and Charlotte settles herself on the floor next to him.

Mason makes quick work of bathing, and ten minutes later, he and Charlotte emerge from the bathroom to find Cooper standing with a pile of blankets. "You feel any better?" Cooper asks his son.

Mason shrugs and replies, "a little."

"Good," Cooper says walking over to Mason and Charlotte. "I stripped both beds," he tells his wife, "but I don't know where your family keeps the linens or cleaning supplies." It hits Cooper then that Charlotte's family doesn't live here anymore, and even when her parents were alive it is doubtful that they ever cleaned anything themselves.

"Let me change my clothes, and then I'll go get them," Charlotte tells Cooper. "Mase, you stay here with your daddy." Mason looks a little nervous but nods. Cooper puts his arm around his son as Charlotte leaves the room.

Charlotte is starting a wash when Bernie walks out of her room in a robe. "I'm sorry for waking you. Mason wet the bed and I wanted to get these in the wash before they stained."

Bernie gives a little laugh and tells Charlotte "it's only 9:30. I wasn't sleeping yet."

"Oh, right," Charlotte says. She must have just fallen asleep when Mason woke up.

"I can take care of all that," Bernie says gesturing at the dirty linens.

"Nonsense," Charlotte tells Bernie. "I just need to grab the stain remover for the mattress and some new sheets. Then I'll be all set."

"Really, dear, I can clean the bed."

"Absolutely not. I can do it just fine. Plus, Mason would be embarrassed if anyone besides Cooper and I knew."

"It'll be our secret," Bernie tells Charlotte, before going back into her bedroom.

When Charlotte walks back into the guest bedroom, Cooper and Mason are sitting on the edge of the bed. Cooper's arm is around a still nervous looking Mason. "Hey you two," Charlotte smiles, walking over and placing a kiss on each of their foreheads. "How about we get the beds made so we can get some more sleep tonight."

"Can I sleep in here with you and Dad?" Mason asks.

"Of course," Charlotte assures him. They get the bed made, and Mason crawls in the middle. He lays his head on Charlotte's chest, and Cooper slings an arm protectively around the both of them. Charlotte might be right. He needs to grow up. He has people who are counting on him.


	6. Chapter 6

Charlotte wakes up at 4:30 a.m. the next morning. _Not awful_, she thinks when she glances at the clock on the bedside table. She fell asleep at 10 the night before, which means she got a respectable six and a half hours of sleep. Mason is nuzzled against her side sleeping soundly. Charlotte watches the rhythmic rise and fall of Mason's chest, feels the tickle of his breath against the skin of the arm that she has wrapped firmly around him.

It always seemed like every time Charlotte came home to visit after she left for college, yet another childhood friend of hers had popped out a kid. Charlotte would see these women staring at their children, and all she could think was: _It's a baby. Can't you find anything more interesting to do than watch it sleep? _But she gets it now. God, does she get it. Charlotte swears she could spend hours watching Mason sleep. Watching him sleep and just loving him.

He's the last thing she thinks about when she goes to bed and the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up. And while she's getting used to these feelings, sometimes it still seems crazy. A year ago Charlotte hadn't met Mason yet. A year ago she was still being caught off guard by the unexpected fact that she was a wife, that she and Cooper had actually made it to the alter, and that they were exquisitely happy and in love. And then this child had come into their lives, and Charlotte had resisted that change at first. But Mason was his daddy's son, and just like Cooper, Mason had worked his way into Charlotte's heart until she could no longer deny that he was a part of her.

Charlotte wonders if her mother had ever felt anything like this. Had there been a moment when Charlotte was an infant when her mother just couldn't stop staring at her new baby? Neither of Charlotte's parents had been outwardly affectionate with their children, and Charlotte had always attributed that to their belief that it was improper to show too many emotions, that one should be composed at all times. But Charlotte can't imagine loving someone how she loves her son and not telling him you love him, not crying when he cries, or smiling when he smiles.

Charlotte feels her eyes burning as she starts thinking about her mother. It's going to be a long and exhausting day, and Charlotte decides that a good run will help her prepare. She carefully extricates herself from under Mason and places his head gently on a pillow. Neither he nor Cooper so much as stir when Charlotte picks up her duffel bag and walks out of the room. She envies their propensity for deep sleep.

Charlotte brings her bag into her old room and sits down on the bed. The room is exactly the same as it had been when she lived here. The same cream-colored walls and light wood furniture; ribbons from equestrian competitions hung on the wall. Charlotte pulls her running clothes from her bag; getting dressed in the pre-dawn hours to go out for a run in the hot, thick, late summer Alabama air brings Charlotte back to being a teenager. She had started running at 15 when her horse died. By then, it had been clear that Charlotte wasn't going to be in Monroeville much longer. She was a junior in high school, well on her way to becoming the class valedictorian, and with her eyes set on Ivy League colleges in far away New England. Momma and Big Daddy had insisted that there was no point in buying a horse for someone who wouldn't be around to ride it in two years.

They were willing to buy Charlotte a pair of running shoes however. Charlotte can still remember the burn of her muscles when she'd first started running, and how she could barely go a few miles. But by 15, Charlotte had already begun to find any sign of weakness or softness within herself unacceptable. So, she'd pushed past the pain, and before long she was waking up before the sun had risen so she could run for hours before going to school.

The feeling of a good run had been intoxicating; it made Charlotte feel strong and calm. Charlotte had trained for her first marathon during college, and she'd kept running them nearly every year since. It's been two years now since Charlotte had run a race; life had gotten in the way. Two years ago Charlotte had been recovering from being raped, and she didn't feel physically or mentally able to push herself to train. Last year, she'd started training, but then they'd found out about Erica's illness, and there simply hadn't been time to stick to a schedule when Charlotte had needed to focus all her time and energy on being there for Mason and Cooper. She's started building up again recently, sneaking in long runs early Sunday mornings, while her husband and son sleep. Maybe this year, if life stays calm and stable (and really, she thinks, her family is due for a bit of peace), she'll sign up for the LA marathon.

Shoes laced, Charlotte rummages through her bag for her toothbrush and deodorant. She spends a few minutes in the bathroom getting ready, and then she's out the door. The wall of heavy, thick air hits Charlotte hard. Even early in the morning, with the first hint of light just appearing in the sky, it's warm. But more than that, the air is stifling, and Charlotte's lungs are out of practice with this kind of humidity. She takes a deep breath and sets off.

Charlotte's feet take her along a winding path down to the river. It's all muscle memory that guides her. But it's the perfect path to take, because Charlotte ends up running east along the water at the exact right time to see a spectacular sunrise.

Charlotte makes her way up to the back porch of the house just past 6:30. She's only run an hour and a half, but she ran hard. She has one foot in the door to get a glass of ice water when she hears a voice call from the corner of the porch, "Morning, Charlie."

"You scared the hell out of me, Duke," she tells her brother. "What are you doing here so early?"

He raises a glass full of red liquid in the air, as though a Bloody Mary is a reason to be sitting on the porch of your dead mother's house at half past six. Charlotte lets the door close and walks over to her brother, taking a seat next to him. "Bernie's always made the best Bloody Marys," he says taking a sip from his glass.

This absolutely scares the hell out of Charlotte. Her brother drinking to drown out his pain the day after their mother died of liver failure that was likely caused by years of drinking scares the hell out of her.

Charlotte feels like she's already failed too many members of her family. She hadn't taken care of Big Daddy when he'd been sick, and she had barely visited Momma in the years leading up to her death. She can't fail Duke too.

Charlotte knows she can get preachy when it comes to addiction. Amelia has pointed out on several occasions that Charlotte can start to sound like an NA handbook. Best to ease into this conversation, she figures.

"How are you holding up, baby brother?" Duke rolls his eyes at Charlotte; he hates when she calls him that. _Tough_, Charlotte thinks; she's none too fond of _Charlie_ either. Her brothers had given the nickname when they were little, and that was fine, but then it had stuck and most of the kids in town called her Charlie too. She had left the name behind when she moved to Boston, but then she'd married Billy, and she was Charlie once again.

"Fine," Duke tells his sister with a shrug.

"Well I know that isn't true."

"What do you want me to say? Our mother is dead. Talking about it isn't going to get us anywhere."

"Sometimes it helps me," Charlotte tells Duke.

"What happened to you Charlie? You moved to California and you became one of those touchy feely hippie types?"

"I can still whoop your ass at the range."

Charlotte plays it off like it's nothing, like her brother pointed out a change in hair color or a new pair of shoes, but the truth is that being able to talk when she's upset and being comforted by sharing her pain with someone are huge for Charlotte.

Charlotte had always thought of herself as a strong woman, but she had come to redefine what that meant in the months after she was raped. Recovering from that awful event had taken more strength than anything Charlotte had ever done before, but it was a strength predicated on accepting weakness, accepting that she had been broken down – physically, emotionally – and needed to rebuild herself. The path back itself was fraught with actions that made Charlotte feel weak – being vulnerable with others, letting people see her cry, voicing her fears aloud. Charlotte had been raised to believe that all those things were signs of weakness, but she had come to accept the opposite. There could be strength in facing her fears; in putting aside pride and doing whatever she needed to fight her way back from what she'd been through.

Charlotte gets more serious then and tells her brother, "I know Momma and Big Daddy did a damn good job of teaching us that talking and crying never accomplish anything, but look where that attitude got Momma, where it got me."

"You shouldn't speak ill of the dead," Duke reminds his sister.

"I'm telling it like it is. And that was certainly something Momma believed in."

"Sure was."

They fall into silence for a minute. Charlotte is trying to gauge whether she can push this conversation any farther. Duke looks at his sister, and he can tell she's about to take their talk somewhere he is not in the mood to go. So he heads it off by asking, "You ever miss it down here?"

"Sometimes. Part of me will always think of this place as home. I'm sorry I don't visit more, Duke."

"You've got a busy life out in California." That Charlotte can't deny. But Duke is her responsibility – has been ever since Momma brought him home from the hospital, put him down in the nursery, and poured herself a glass of bourbon.

"I'm glad you came last month," Charlotte tells Duke. She and Cooper had thrown a housewarming / meet our child party. It had been Cooper's idea after his parents wouldn't stop nagging him to finally meet their grandson, and Charlotte was less than thrilled about seeing her in-laws again. But things had turned out all right. The Freedmans had warmed to Charlotte after seeing her with Mason, and both Duke and Landry had come for a long weekend.

"I couldn't wait to meet that rugrat of yours. He's a pretty great kid," Duke tells his sister. Duke fits the role of cool uncle perfectly, and every time adults would sit down to talk, Duke had suggested to Mason that they should go outside and play.

As if on cue, the deck door opens, and a tired looking Mason walks outside, still clad in pajamas. "Well, speak of the devil," Duke says smiling at his nephew.

"Hey you," Charlotte says to Mason with a warm smile, "You sleep ok?"

"Mmhmm," Mason tells her, walking straight past two empty chairs and sitting down on Charlotte's lap. She wraps her arms around Mason and pulls him to her so that his back is pressed tightly against her chest. Mason tilts his head to the side so that it's resting lightly against Charlotte's. She turns to kiss his cheek, breathing in the fruity scent of his shampoo mixed with the mint of his toothpaste.

She loves this. Loves that Mason just chose her lap as the place to sit. Loves that Mason feels comfortable with her. Loves that he loves her. Loves more than words can express that he thinks of her as his momma. Charlotte tries not to take things for granted, and the fact that she has this amazing child whom she loves and who loves her, feels like an incredible gift.

"Good," Charlotte whispers, as she leans back, and Mason settles his head into the crook of her neck.

"Are you still tired?" Charlotte asks her son who seems just about ready to close his eyes and fall asleep on her lap.

"Mmhmm," Mason says, drawing the syllables out lazily.

"You can go back to bed, honey. It's not even 7." Mason shakes his head _no_, and Charlotte wonders if he woke up a little nervous and wanted to see her. "I can come lay down with you if you want," she suggests, running a hand over her son's hair and looking down at his face.

"I'm comfy here, Momma," Mason tells Charlotte, who gives her son a little squeeze and kisses his forehead.

Charlotte closes her eyes for a moment, taking in the feel of the warm breeze and the comfortable weight of her son's body against hers. The simultaneous reminders of being home and of being a mother are making Charlotte pensive. Her mind is drifting to her momma, and Charlotte can feel a sob building in the back of her throat. She swallows it back, but doesn't manage to keep a few tears from falling. She wipes them away, and Mason must notice the movement. "Are you ok?" he asks her. Charlotte just nods, afraid that she'll start crying in earnest if she opens her mouth right now.

Mason shifts so that he can wrap his arms around Charlotte in a hug. "Thank you, sweetie," Charlotte tells her son, in a voice that's a little raspy with tears. Mason looks at his momma, as if checking to see if she really is ok. Charlotte gives Mason a reassuring smile, and he settles his head against her shoulder again.

A little while later, Mason's stomach rumbles, and Charlotte asks, "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Let's get you some breakfast," she tells him, standing up.

Duke gets up too, holding up his glass. "I could use some more," Duke begins. Charlotte gives him a sharp warning look. "Juice," he finishes lamely.

"Juice might not be a bad idea," Charlotte can't help but remark.

Charlotte gets Mason situated at the table with breakfast. She's not hungry; doesn't think she could stomach much besides strong coffee right now. "Will you be ok here if I go take a shower?" Charlotte asks Mason.

"Yep," Mason tells Charlotte between bites of an apple fritter. Charlotte and Cooper are in trouble, Charlotte thinks. Cereal just isn't going to cut it after eating home cooked Southern food everyday.

"Are you sure? Because I can sit with you if you want."

"I'm fine, Momma," Mason tells her.

"I'm not that bad an influence, Charlie," Duke adds, sitting down at the table with Mason and grabbing a fritter from a large plate in the center of the table.

"Ok. I'll be back in a little while," Charlotte tells them as she leaves the room.

Charlotte climbs the stairs to the second floor of the house and walks into the guest bedroom to find Cooper still asleep. Charlotte shuts the door behind her. She does need that shower – her body and her clothes are now covered in a layer of dried sweat – but more than that Charlotte wants to be close to Cooper. As quietly as possible, so as not to wake her husband, Charlotte kicks off her sneakers, then pulls back the blankets and lies next to Cooper. She curls on her side so she can watch him sleep.

Cooper stirs and opens his eyes to see his wife watching him. "Good morning beautiful."

"Morning. I'm sorry for waking you."

"S'okay," Cooper tells Charlotte, reaching out his arms to draw her closer. Charlotte happily scoots in until she's pressed against Cooper, chest to chest, one arm between them and the other wrapped around him. Cooper tilts his head down so that he can press his lips to Charlotte's for a long, lazy morning kiss.

"You taste salty," Cooper tells Charlotte with a teasing smile.

"Went for a run this morning."

"What time did you get up?"

"4:30," Charlotte tells Cooper, even though she knows her answer will make him worry.

"You should have woken me," Cooper tells Charlotte. He really hates when she can't sleep but refuses to wake him.

"I wanted to run, and you and Mase looked so peaceful."

Cooper had forgotten that there had been another person in bed with them when they fell asleep. "Where is Mason?"

Charlotte chuckles a little at her sleepy, disoriented husband. "He's downstairs eating breakfast with Duke."

Charlotte watches Cooper's brow furrow in confusion. "What time is it?" he asks. It seems like he's already missed a lot this morning.

"It's only 7:20," Charlotte tells him. "Duke was here drinking when I got back from my run. I don't know what to do with him Coop."

She looks so worried, and it breaks Cooper's heart. "Maybe he's just upset," Cooper offers weakly. Charlotte raises her eyebrow at Cooper; _he can't be that naïve_. "I know," Cooper says. "I don't know what to tell you." He really wishes he had an answer, but Charlotte knows far more about addiction than Cooper does, and he doesn't have the foggiest idea what to suggest.

"It just scares me. He doesn't usually drink this much, but he's using alcohol to deal with Momma dying. It's just a slippery slope from there, and we are not a family that's very good with using substances in moderation." Alcohol and drug abuse are extremely common on Charlotte's mother's side of the family; though of course this is a fact that few in Monroeville know.

The only response Cooper can think of is a lame sounding, "I'm sorry." He runs his hands up and down Charlotte's back, in a way that is soothing enough to make up for his lack of words. Charlotte wasn't expecting her husband to give her suggestions for what to do about her brother anyway; she just needed to vent her frustration and anxiety.

Charlotte captures Cooper's mouth in a kiss, and Cooper knows immediately where she intends for this to lead. For a minute he's worried that Charlotte is using sex to cope with her mother's death. He knows it's better than drugs, and if that's what Charlotte needs, Cooper will give it to her. But still, it makes him worried that Charlotte might be trying to run from her grief.

Charlotte can sense Cooper's reservations, so she pulls back to look at him. "I just want to be close to you, Coop," she tells him. And Cooper is reassured, because the look in his wife's eyes isn't closed off at all. Her eyes are swimming with emotions, and she isn't hiding a thing from him. This isn't about escape; it's about Charlotte's need for love and connection.

Cooper cups the back of Charlotte's neck and skims his thumb along her jaw. He smiles at her and nods. Charlotte kisses Cooper again, and this time he ends the kiss by moving his mouth to Charlotte's neck and sucking at the spot that never fails to elicit a response from his wife. Cooper takes off Charlotte's shirt and kisses a trail down her breasts and stomach before she tugs at him to stop him from continuing what he's about to do. Charlotte flips them over, so that she's leaning over her husband. The way she isn't breaking eye contact makes Cooper think that the change in position wasn't about Charlotte wanting to be in control, but was about her wanting to see him and to feel him inside her. Either way, Cooper doesn't argue when she straddles him and joins their bodies together, pressing her mouth to his and swallowing his long, low moan.

After they finish, Charlotte stays lying half on top of her husband, her body rising gently with every breath he takes. It seems that whenever she stops moving today, the thoughts of her mother creep in. The grief is settling into her chest, making it physically ache. When the tears start to come this time, Charlotte is finally somewhere that she can let them flow. She lets out a sob, then another, until she's crying hard against her husband's chest. "I've got you, Char," Cooper reassures her. And she knows he does.


	7. Chapter 7

Cooper had held Charlotte until she didn't have any more tears. The couple had migrated then to the bathroom so Charlotte could finally take the shower she had come upstairs for. A shower had turned into a long soak in the tub, and now they're sitting in the large, white, clawfoot bathtub. Charlotte is leaning back against Cooper's chest, her eyes closed, wet hair sticking to her neck and back. Cooper has his arms wrapped around Charlotte's waist, and Charlotte has placed her arms on top of his. Her fingers move gently back and forth over the skin of his arm. Cooper watches Charlotte; she looks relaxed for the first time since Landry had called. _Had that really only been a day and a half ago? _

"We should get out of the tub," Charlotte says, eyes still closed. Her inflection makes Cooper pretty sure that she neither wants to nor has any real intention of moving just yet.

Cooper presses his lips just above Charlotte's ear and whispers, "Just stay here with me a little longer."

"Mmm" is Charlotte's only answer, but she stays put.

When Cooper and Charlotte had first decided to give a relationship a try, Cooper had felt like the second Charlotte revealed something to him that made her feel vulnerable or exposed, something that made Cooper feel closer to her, she would pull even further away than before. It had been years of steps forward and back and of Cooper feeling like truly knowing Charlotte King might just have been impossible.

Cooper hates to acknowledge that something good could come out of something so horrible, but things had changed for them after Charlotte was raped. In the beginning it had been awful; Cooper had felt more distant from Charlotte than ever before. They both had realized then how much of their connection had come from sex. Cooper had sometimes thought that Charlotte wasn't someone who needed much intimacy, but then he had watched her fight like hell to get back to a place where she could feel close to Cooper. And for the first time that closeness had taken the form of sharing their feelings and of just holding each other.

Charlotte had told Cooper, when he had convinced her to go to couple's therapy, that her attempts to push him away had stemmed from her fear that he would leave her. Cooper had really thought then about how terrifying it must have been for Charlotte to let him see her so vulnerable, all the while wondering if he would still be there the next day. Cooper had appreciated for the first time how much courage it must have taken for Charlotte to finally let herself be fully open with him.

Somewhere along the line in that ordeal, Cooper knows, he had convinced Charlotte that he wasn't going anywhere. By the time they had said their vows, Cooper knew Charlotte trusted that they were both in this forever. And once she finally felt safe with him, it was like the real Charlotte had come out. She was just as strong as ever, as quick-witted, funny, and ambitious. But she was also loving, warm, and nurturing. She was a woman who would do anything for the people she loved.

Charlotte had been his rock this past year. She had put aside her own fears and taken care of Cooper, Mason, and Erica. Even before Charlotte had started to think of herself as Mason's mother, when she still seemed to have herself convinced that she could never love a child, she had taken care of Mason, because he was Cooper's son, and she would do anything for her husband.

Cooper can't imagine raising Mason without Charlotte. She'd been there to help him be strong for Mason, and she'd been able to reach Mason when Cooper couldn't. Cooper knows that Mason would never be doing as well as he is if it wasn't for Charlotte.

"I love you," Cooper tells Charlotte, his mouth brushing against her skin as he speaks. Charlotte always seems to be the one telling Cooper just how grateful she is for him. Cooper hopes that his wife doesn't still feel like she doesn't deserve him, like she's the lucky one in the relationship. Because he knows that certainly isn't true.

Charlotte opens her eyes and turns in Cooper's arms so that she's facing him. She puts a hand on Cooper's cheek and runs her fingers over the stubble that he still hasn't gotten around to shaving. Charlotte smiles softly at Cooper and tells him, "I love you, Coop." Her eyes are wet as she leans in to kiss Cooper, and when she pulls back she looks at him with such love that Cooper thinks he should spend more time being thankful for what he has.

"I really need to get out of the bath," Charlotte tells Cooper again. She has a day full of things to do: meeting with a lawyer about her mother's estate, meeting with her family's pastor about the funeral, starting to dig through some of the old things in this house. And she wants to go check on Mason. Maybe she's being overprotective right now, but she's worried about her son. He'd had a rough night, and she's seen him go from just fine, to upset and silent, or scared and clingy, at the drop of a hat too many times to be comfortable being away from him for very long. Charlotte sighs resolutely and stands up.

"I think you and Mason should go do something fun today," she tells Cooper, wrapping a robe around herself.

"I can come with you to meet with the pastor and lawyer," Cooper offers.

"It's fine. Duke and Landry will be there. Besides, I'd rather you be with Mason."

"Do you really think he'll let you out of his sight?"

Charlotte shrugs; she's honestly not sure. "Maybe we can get him to go out with you while I meet with Pastor Timothy and the lawyer, and then if Mason wants to hang out here while my brothers and I go though things at the house, he can."

Charlotte's plan works for all of a half hour. She convinces Mason to go swimming with Cooper. The day is sweltering, and they might as well enjoy the refreshing water. But before too long Charlotte is getting texts from Mason asking her if she's ok. It's sweet, and she's sure part of it is her son wondering how she's doing, but Charlotte knows that mostly, Mason is anxious and upset and wants to be close to her. Charlotte answers seven texts in the span of ten minutes while she's trying to decide on what hymns will be sung at the funeral, and she knows that Mason is a mess. She's debating excusing herself from the conversation and calling her son, when her phone rings.

Charlotte walks out of the room and picks up. It's Cooper. "I tried Char," he tells her.

"Mason wants to come back?" she asks.

"He's having a bit of a meltdown now," Cooper says in a hushed voice. Cooper had suggested to Mason that they go for ice cream, and Mason had replied that his mom would never have allowed him to have ice cream in the morning. Things had gone downhill from there, and Mason had been crying before long.

Cooper is pulling the rental car into the driveway ten minutes later. He feels like a failure. His son is in the backseat, staring out the window, not speaking. Cooper battles his frustration. He's tired of not being able to reach Mason, of not knowing what to do for him.

When Cooper spots Charlotte sitting on the front porch waiting for them, he's both relieved and more frustrated. He's really tired of Charlotte being the better parent. Cooper loves that Charlotte and Mason have such a good relationship, but Cooper had honestly though that he would be the one showing Charlotte how to parent, that she would be the one struggling. When it became clear that wasn't the case, it had been hard for Cooper to adjust.

Cooper kills the engine and gets out of the car. It isn't until he's closed the door that he realizes that Mason hasn't budged. Cooper opens the back door and tells his son, "Mason we're here."

"I can see that," Mason says before turning away again.

Cooper grits his teeth, feeling at the end of his rope. "Are you getting out?" When Mason doesn't answer, Cooper shuts the door. Cooper feels increasingly close to yelling, and he needs to walk away before that happens.

Charlotte meets him halfway down the driveway. "What happened?"

Cooper shrugs, annoyed. "He won't get out of the car."

Charlotte can tell that Cooper is upset, but she is so not in the mood to deal with her husband behaving like a child right now. "Did something happen?" Charlotte asks, wanting to be prepared for how to deal with Mason.

"Nothing his Momma can't fix," Cooper mumbles. The last time this jealousy had come up – when Cooper told Charlotte that she wasn't really Mason's mother – Charlotte had let Cooper apologize and move on. She probably should have been more concerned that the apology came only after Mason was back to being affectionate with Cooper, but Charlotte was too busy being thankful that Mason was doing a little better and that she was on speaking terms with her husband again.

Charlotte and Cooper need to have a real talk about this, because Charlotte will not apologize for her son needing her, will not apologize for being a good mother. "He needs both of his parents," Charlotte tells him pointedly. They had started working on adoption paperwork last month. Initially, she and Cooper had talked about it so that they could make sure that Mason stayed with Charlotte if anything happened to Cooper. But when Charlotte and Cooper had talked to Mason about adoption, he had been thrilled.

Charlotte wants to have a longer conversation than she and Cooper have time for at the moment. Right now she needs to check on Mason. Charlotte walks to the car, leaving Cooper in the driveway scowling. She opens the back door of the car. "Hi, sweetie." Mason looks up then back down at his lap. "Can I sit with you?" Charlotte gets a small nod from Mason in response. Charlotte sits down and Mason just stays where he is, barely acknowledging her presence. His face is red and tear streaked. "Are you missing your mom?" Charlotte asks Mason.

"Yeah," Mason croaks through tears. Charlotte puts her hand on her son's back, rubbing it gently. And then it seems like Mason remembers why they're here sitting in a rental car in Alabama. "Are you?"

"Yeah. I am," Charlotte tells Mason. That seems to make Mason feel a little less alone in his grief. He leans against Charlotte's side, and she slides her arm around Mason. Charlotte waits for Mason to cuddle in closer – confirming for her that he wants to be held – before wrapping her other arm around him as well. There's nothing to say that can ease Mason's pain. There are some days that Charlotte knows Mason is hurting so much that he doesn't know what to do with himself. It's days like this that make Charlotte ache with the knowledge that she can't kiss her son's pain away. Charlotte presses her lips to Mason's hair anyway.

They stay together for a long time, just sitting in the back of the car. By now, it's hot as hell, but Charlotte doesn't dare disturb Mason. She's not sure if she's really doing anything to comfort him, but he's clinging to her hard, and if this helps Mason at all, she isn't going to move.

Charlotte waits another ten minutes, sweat gathering on her forehead, before Mason asks if they can go inside to the air condition. He immediately starts up the stairs when they enter the house. Charlotte calls after Mason, "Can I come sit with you?" Charlotte is willing to give Mason space if he needs it, but more and more, she finds it difficult to leave her hurting child alone. Still she would never push him if he wanted space.

"Yeah," Mason tells her.

"I'm just going to talk to Uncle Duke and Uncle Landry for a minute and then I'll be right up."

"Ok," Mason says, before starting back up the stairs.

Charlotte's brothers are seeing their pastor out the door as she walks towards them. "I'm sorry Pastor Timothy," she tells the older man. "My son is having a rough time right now."

"Yes, I heard that you had taken in a little boy." Charlotte frowns a bit; he makes it sound like she had adopted a stray puppy. "Sometimes the greatest gifts are the ones we never expect." Charlotte smiles and nods, because she thinks that just sums up her relationships with her son and husband perfectly. "Your brothers and I finished discussing the program, but if there is anything you want to add, you can give me a call anytime."

Charlotte thanks the pastor again and shuts the door behind him. She turns to her brothers and asks, "Can you take care of the lawyer? I'm just going to be upstairs with Mason." She feels guilty for letting too much fall on Landry again, and so she adds, "I'm sorry. I need to take care of Mase."

Landry is a father himself; he understands. "Of course, Charlie. You give that kid of yours an extra hug from his Uncle Landry. Tell him he can come look through old photo albums with us after we're done with the lawyer."

"You wouldn't dare!" Charlotte knows her brothers have more than enough old photos to embarrass her. Their momma had kept albums of everything from first steps to prom dates. Last time Charlotte had been home, Landry had claimed the albums had been misplaced, but now she realizes that her brothers had hidden away this prime blackmail material.

"Oh come on," Duke chimes in, slurring his words just a little bit. _Is he really still drunk from this morning?_ Charlotte wonders. "It'll give the poor kid a laugh, cheer him up."

Charlotte just shakes her head at her brothers and turns to climb the stairs. She realizes that she has no idea where Cooper is. She hates this feeling of having too many people to take care of; she doesn't want to have to prioritize who needs her most. But Mason is a grieving child, and he needs to come first. Landry understands that, and Charlotte hopes that her husband understands too.

Charlotte finds Mason in her old bedroom, and she knocks on the open door. Mason turns from where he's standing next to the bookshelf and smiles at his momma. Charlotte takes that as permission to enter the room. She sits down on the desk chair next to the bookcase. "Are all these books yours?" Mason asks incredulously, and Charlotte nods. The tall bookshelf is full, mostly with classics. The books are alphabetized, except for a section that Charlotte had reserved for her favorites. Those books –which include _Jane Eyre_, _A Tale of Two Cities, Frankenstein, Wuthering Heights, _and_ To Kill a Mockingbird_ – appear extra worn. Charlotte must have read them dozens of times each. Charlotte stands again to pick up her old copy of _To Kill a Mockingbird_. She thumbs through the book; it's pages are lovingly worn.

"You really liked reading, huh?" Mason asks. She did. She still does. Charlotte loves getting lost in another world, loves the sound of beautifully written prose.

"Yep," Charlotte confirms.

"Well, I guess you didn't have computers or wii when you were growing up; you needed something for entertainment."

"Pick one out, smarty pants. I'll read you a chapter," Charlotte tells her son. Mason might tease her, but he actually likes reading too. They had started reading classics for bedtime stories, and Mason has been getting really into it. There were even nights when he would choose to listen to his momma read an extra chapter of a book rather than watch TV.

"Which one is your favorite?" Mason asks.

Charlotte holds up the book in her hand. "Want me to read you a little of this one, see if you like it?"

"Sure," Mason tells her. Charlotte kicks off her shoes and sits down on the bed against the pillows. Mason climbs up next to Charlotte, and she wraps one arm around him so that Mason's head is leaning against her shoulder. It's not bedtime, but this is the most comforting and soothing thing she can think of to do for Mason.

"When he was nearly thirteen," Charlotte begins, "my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow." She doesn't even need to look at the page; she's read the opening lines of this book enough to have it memorized.

Charlotte finishes the first chapter and asks Masons, "What did you think?"

"It's good. Can you read the next chapter to me before bed tonight?"

"Of course," she tells him.

"Did your momma read to you when you were little?" Mason asks. Charlotte shakes her head. "Did your dad?"

"No," Charlotte tells him, "I read to myself." Mason frowns at that, and Charlotte kisses his head.

Charlotte had never been good with sleeping. The nannies had always complained that she was a colicky baby. When she had gotten older, Charlotte still had trouble falling asleep. Her parents hadn't cared much what time she fell asleep, as long as she was in her room by her bedtime. So she'd spent countless hours sitting on this very bed reading.

Mason's been curious about Charlotte's family and childhood since he met her brothers, and being here has piqued his interest further. "What did your momma do when you couldn't sleep?"

Charlotte can't remember a single time that her mother had acknowledged Charlotte waking in the middle of the night. "That's what all the books were for," Charlotte tells Mason. "Lots of late night reading."

"No one stayed up with you?" Mason asks sadly. He's always had parents who held him and read to him when he couldn't sleep, and he can't really imagine a parent not doing that. For all Mason has been through, he still retains the innocent belief that all mothers love and take care of their children. Charlotte is grateful that she has at least been able to give Mason the confidence that he will always have a mother to take care of him, even if the mother who raised him is gone.

"Scout and Jem always would," Charlotte jokes lightly.

"I'm sorry Momma," Mason tells her.

"It's ok, Mase. It was a long time ago," Charlotte tells her son. She rubs mindless patterns on his back. "I love you honey," Charlotte breathes, needing him to know.

"I know," Mason tells her, as if sensing Charlotte's desperate need for her son to know she loves him. He sounds completely confident in Charlotte's love, for which she is extremely grateful. "I love you too."

"Is there something you want to do today? We can do anything you want. You just need to tell me what will make you feel better," Charlotte tells him.

"I just want to stay with you," Mason replies, a little whiny.

"Ok honey. Do you want to hang out up here or should we go downstairs?"

"It doesn't matter. If you have things to do, that's ok. I just want to stay with you," he insists again.

Mason's need to repeat his request makes Charlotte a little worried. "You know I'm never going anywhere, right Mason? I'm your momma forever."

"I know that," Mason tells Charlotte. "It's just…"

"What honey?"

"I'm really sad today, and being with you makes me feel better."

Charlotte's eyes tear up. _Damn, this kid is good at making her cry_. "I'm glad Mase. Anything that helps you, I'll do it, ok?"

"I know Momma," Mason tells Charlotte again. Mason has never doubted that Charlotte loves him. It had only taken a couple months for him to want to call her _Momma_, and he never questioned whether she would want that. He knew that Charlotte already thought of him as her son.

"Do you want to go downstairs and look through some old photo albums with your uncles and me?" Charlotte cannot believe that she's suggesting this, but she has to admit, Duke was probably right: old photos will give Mason a good laugh. Mason's face lights up and he hops off the bed; he absolutely wants to see pictures of his momma as a kid.

Duke and Landry had been just as excited as Mason about the photo viewing session. The four of them had sat down on the couch, and Duke had proceeded to narrate one of the world's most embarrassing tours through a photo album that Charlotte could ever imagine. Duke and Mason are laughing at a picture of Charlotte at six dressed up like an angel for a nativity play, when Charlotte spots Cooper hanging out at the back of the room listening. "Mase?" Charlotte asks, "Will you be ok here for a minute if I go talk to your daddy?"

"Mmhmm," Mason says barely looking up from the photos.

Mason seems too engrossed in the pictures to really care about Charlotte's temporary absence, but she adds, "We'll be right outside if you need us, ok?"

Mason agrees, and Charlotte walks over to Cooper. "Can we talk?" she asks quietly. Cooper still has a frown on his face, and as much as Charlotte adores her husband, his petulant child look is in no way endearing.

They sit down outside on the back porch. It's quiet and serene here, and Charlotte had spent many summer afternoons sitting on this porch reading a book. It's good that Charlotte chooses one of her favorite spots for this conversation, because she's working really hard to be empathic to her husband, and not let her frustration at him get the better of her. "What's going on Coop?" she asks.

"Nothing. Mason's happy now. He's with you."

"Coop, he loves both of us."

"He likes you more," Cooper says, fully aware that he sounds like a child.

"He has different relationships with each of us," Charlotte tells her husband. "It's good for Mason to have two parents that he can relate to in different ways."

"But you're better at getting through to him. When he's upset, he always wants you," Cooper says. And Charlotte would be annoyed if Cooper hadn't started tearing up half way through his last sentence.

"You are a great father Cooper. Mason knows that you love him, and that is the most important thing for him," Charlotte reaches over and puts her hand on Cooper's forearm. "When Mason's hurting, I think we need to just do whatever we can to comfort him. We need to put our pride aside and do whatever he needs."

"But he always needs you," Cooper whines.

"He grew up with just Erica," Charlotte says with a shrug. "Maybe Mason is more comfortable with a woman. Doesn't mean he loves you any less."

"It's not that you're a woman," Cooper sighs. "You always know what to do for him," he tells Charlotte dejectedly.

"Think you could try saying that like it isn't the worst thing in the world?" Charlotte says, an edge of annoyance creeping into her voice. "The fact that there are times when I can help our grieving son is not something that you should be upset about."

"I just thought I'd be a better father," Cooper tells Charlotte, looking down at the ground. He feels silly saying these things.

"Like I said, you are a great father. But you cannot keep this up. Sooner or later, Mason is going to catch on to you being jealous, and that is not going to go well for any of us. You and I need to be on the same page about raising Mason. I can't have you stalking off and pouting if I'm the one comforting our son." Charlotte is talking with such authority, like she's the expert on parenting Mason. It grates on Cooper when she does that, because damn it, he is the one who is supposed to be the expert on children. "You listen to me Cooper. You need to find a way to put this jealousy aside, because I am not going to stop being there for Mason just so that you can feel better about yourself as a parent."

When she puts it like that, Cooper feels even more like an idiot. "I don't want you to Charlotte. I'm glad Mason has you. I really am," he tells his wife sincerely. "I'm just jealous."

"I can tell. But the thing is you need to figure out how to deal with that. You and I can talk about it, but you can't take it out on Mason. You can't punish him for needing me."

"You're right," Cooper concedes. This conversation is making him feel all kinds of awful.

Charlotte weaves their fingers together. "We're in this together," she reminds her husband, who nods at her. The issue isn't resolved, not by a long shot. But feelings like this take time to work through, and Charlotte's sure she will have to have this conversation again and again with Cooper. But for now this feels like a good start; she's opened the door to talk about it at least. "Do you want to come look at embarrassing photos of me?" Charlotte asks. _Is she really volunteering to let another person see these pictures? _But Cooper seems just as happy at the prospect as Mason was, and Charlotte figures she can sacrifice a bit of her pride if it'll make her boys happy.


	8. Chapter 8

The last time that Cooper had seen his wife in a church was at her father's funeral, but she recites the hymns like she sings them every Sunday. Cooper supposes that the things you learn as a child become second nature. Cooper goes to synagogue every year for the High Holidays, and the Hebrew flows from his lips like it's his native tongue no matter how many years have passed since his bar mitzvah. He was shaped by the years of Hebrew school, by the horrible embarrassment of standing on the bimah, trying to chant with a voice that wouldn't stop cracking. Being in this church, being in Monroeville, is like getting a little peak at all the things that made his wife the woman she is.

Charlotte's eyes are dry now as she listens to the pastor's sermon. She looks at Cooper apologetically when the pastor starts talking about how those who do not accept Jesus are going to hell. Cooper reaches over and takes Charlotte's hand and places their joined hands on his lap. The last thing Cooper wants Charlotte to worry about right now is if he feels uncomfortable.

A couple years ago, Charlotte had advised Addison to say whatever the hell she wanted in her mother's eulogy. But when Charlotte had sat down to write a eulogy for her own mother, Charlotte's problem had been that she didn't know what she wanted to say. She doesn't want to hang onto the bad memories and the hurt; she doesn't want to remember her mother for being an addict.

The eulogy that Charlotte delivers isn't dishonest. She focuses on the good; ignores the bad. Charlotte talks about happy memories – about a mother who was a spitfire, who loved horseback riding and was known for always giving her honest opinion –and casually ignores the days Augusta would spend locked away in her room with a prescription bottle.

Charlotte had also reminded Addison that funerals are for the living, not the dead. And Charlotte's eulogy is very much for herself. She wants to forgive her mother. Charlotte may have stopped going to church, but she still reads the Bible, still believes. And she looks to scripture to help her be a more forgiving woman.

Forgiveness is a thread that has woven itself into the fabric of Charlotte's life. Nearly a decade ago Charlotte had been responsible for a woman's death, and there isn't a day that goes by that Charlotte doesn't pray for forgiveness, doesn't actively have to try to forgive herself. And then two years ago Charlotte had learned more about the power of forgiveness. Naomi had been right when she's told Charlotte that forgiveness could help her find peace. Charlotte had gone to Lee McHenry's bedside and told him that she forgave him. And though there's still anger, Charlotte has worked to make those words real in her soul. But somehow forgiving the man who raped her had come more easily to Charlotte than forgiving her mother.

Charlotte doesn't shed a tear during the service. Cooper knows – he's watching his wife intently, trying to gauge what she needs from him. Charlotte's eyes tear as she watches her mother's casket being lowered into the ground, but she doesn't cry. What she does is unclasp her hand from Cooper's so that she can wrap her arm around his back and lean against his side. Cooper gives Charlotte a squeeze on her waist, a gentle reminder that he's there for her. Charlotte looks up at her husband with a small smile and nods.

When they get home from the funeral, Charlotte and Cooper find Mason in the kitchen with Bernie. Mason spots his parents and hops of the stool where he had been sitting to give Charlotte a hug. He's worried about her, knows what it's like to have to bury your mother. For a minute, Charlotte can't get the image of an inconsolable Mason at Erica's funeral out of her head. The image of Mason face staring into Erica's grave as dirt was being thrown on her coffin will never leave Charlotte. She prays she'll never have to see her son in that kind of pain again.

Charlotte kisses Mason's head before guiding Mason to sit at the table with her and Cooper. "Are you ok, Momma?" Mason asks.

"I'm sad, but I'll be ok," Charlotte says, smoothing Mason's hair. "What did you and Bernie do today?"

Mason has a smirk on his face as he tells his momma, "I heard lots of stories about you getting into trouble when you were my age."

"You did, did you?"

"Mmhmm," Mason says, still smiling.

Cooper chimes in, "And he's going to tell his dad each and every one of those stories, right?"

_God help her_, Charlotte thinks. _She better get these two out of here before they have a lifetime of embarrassing information about her_.

Duke, Landry, and Landry's wife Jenny walk into the kitchen a minute later. Bernie quickly asks the group what they want to drink. Cooper politely declines, figuring that Charlotte would probably appreciate not being the only sober person in the house.

"Didn't you used to be a martini girl, Charlotte?" Jenny asks after Charlotte asks Bernie for a glass of sweet tea.

"I did, but I decided to give up alcohol a couple years back," Charlotte tells Jenny.

Duke and Landry have never asked Charlotte much about her addiction or recovery, but Duke's inhibitions must be particularly low at the moment, because now he says, "Never could figure out why you did that, Charlie."

Charlotte is a little surprised by the question, but she recovers quickly. "I'm an addict, Duke. Alcohol's just another drug. I was going through a rough patch then, and I wasn't sure I could drink and keep it from getting out of hand." Cooper looks at Charlotte, gives her a little smile. He knew Charlotte had struggled with wanting to use again after she was raped, but they really hadn't talked much about it. He honestly hadn't been sure whether that was the reason she had given up alcohol or whether it had been because of Amelia.

"But you seem ok now," Duke says, a hint of a question in his voice.

"I'm just fine. But better safe than sorry, right?" Charlotte says. She doesn't mention just how much watching Amelia's drinking spiral out of control had scared her. Seeing that had made Charlotte stop and think about how much she had in her life, and how unwilling she was to give that up for the taste of a martini.

Landry and Jenny go home to see their kids an hour later. After saying goodbye to her brother and sister-in-law, Charlotte goes out to the deck to find Duke sitting in a wicker chair, staring into the distance, with a bourbon in his hand.

"How drunk are you?" Charlotte asks.

"We just put our mother in the ground. Think you could save me the lecture?" Duke asks.

"I'm only asking because I was going to see if you wanted to go shooting with me, and I do not want this to turn into some Dick Cheney thing."

"Very funny, Charlie," Duke tells her sarcastically, but he can't keep the genuine smile off his face.

"It was, wasn't it," Charlotte tells Duke, as he stands up, leaving the remainder of his drink on the table.

"Just as modest as ever."

"Come on," Charlotte says, setting off for the shooting range Big Daddy had set up Charlotte was still small.

Big Daddy has insisted that all his children know how to handle a rifle properly, so he had set up targets so that he could get a young Charlotte ready to go hunting. At first Charlotte had enjoyed shooting because it was something special that she did with her daddy, but as she got older, she came to appreciate shooting for its own merits. She loved the calm and focus, the way everything else fell away.

Charlotte had kept shooting after she left Monroeville. She would go to the range to get her frustration out after a long day, but it was never quite the same as being here, on the land where she had grown up.

"Damn Charlie!" Duke says, after Charlotte has fired off a round with perfect precision. "Guess you're still a country girl at heart."

"Told you I could whoop your ass out here," Charlotte says teasingly. Duke smiles at her and then pick up his gun and goes back to shooting.

Charlotte's learned to appreciate the value of talking, but there's something to be said for this too, she thinks. She's here on the vast expanse of her family's land with her baby brother. And for right now it's enough to console both of them.


	9. Chapter 9

Charlotte opens her eyes and knows it is going to be a tough day. Mason is lying in bed between her and Cooper. Mason had woken up from a nightmare at 2 a.m. and crawled under the covers without a word. He hadn't said anything when Charlotte and Cooper had asked what was wrong; he had just curled himself against Charlotte and let her hold him until he eventually fell back asleep.

This morning, Charlotte doesn't feel like she has the strength to take care of Mason how he needs. Everything is overwhelming, and Charlotte feels like she is about to fall apart. She's been awake a minute, and she already wants out of this day.

She would wake Cooper if their son weren't nestled between them, but she doesn't want to wake Mason after he had been up for hours last night. Charlotte climbs out of bed and grabs her running shoes instead. She's been leaving them by the door so she can make a quiet exit in the morning.

Charlotte had been running for two hours when she realized that a run wasn't going to be enough to take the edge off what she was feeling. Charlotte is keenly aware at that moment that her mother's pill stash is still in the house, and that she could so easily go back, take something, and make these feelings go away. She would never do it, but the fact that the thought is even in her mind scares Charlotte.

She needs to go to a meeting. Badly. She changes directions and runs down the road that leads to town. Her parents would be so angry at what she's about to do, but right now that doesn't matter. Charlotte needs to be at a meeting, needs to be with people who understand what it feels like to want to use so damn badly that it's all you can think about.

After Charlotte had come out of rehab she had told her parents about her addiction. Her mother had sneered, told Charlotte she was just being dramatic and was trying to make Augusta feel guilty for her own drug use. Charlotte had insisted that this had nothing to do with Augusta, that Charlotte blamed no one but herself for her own actions. Big Daddy had told Charlotte not to mind her mother, that he was proud of her.

Charlotte had visited her family a few months after she'd left rehab, when she was still going to a meeting everyday. She'd looked up where and when meetings were in Monroeville, but when she'd grabbed the keys to head to a meeting the first day she was home, her father had in no uncertain terms told her that going there would be unacceptable. It was all well and good that she had gotten help, but there was no need to go airing ones dirty laundry in public. The Kings had a reputation to maintain, and the town did not need to know that Charlotte was an addict. So she had driven 45 minutes everyday to Evergreen, a town that Big Daddy had deemed far enough away that Charlotte wouldn't bump into people who would recognize her.

Charlotte could go back to Evergreen now. It was a good group; she had kept going to meetings there every time she visited her family. But screw that. Screw the silence.

Charlotte runs the two miles into town. It's 7:45 when Charlotte reaches the church, but she can see that people are already gathering for the 8 o'clock meeting. Her stomach flutters a little with the anxiety of revealing this part of her life to all these people she knows. This is the first time Charlotte is going to an NA meeting with people who know her from outside the group.

Charlotte is bending over the water fountain when Pastor Timothy spots her. "Good morning Charlotte," he says warmly.

"Good morning Pastor," Charlotte says, wiping a few drops of water from her chin.

"Did you decide to come and pray this morning or are you just stopping in for a drink of water on your run?"

"I'm here for the NA meeting, actually."

If Pastor Timothy is surprised, he doesn't show it. "Well, I won't keep you then. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me."

Charlotte thanks the pastor before walking into the meeting hall. A few people glance at her; it is a shock seeing the daughter of John and Augusta King at an NA meeting. Charlotte sits down in the middle of the hall between the woman who owns the barbeque place on Alabama Avenue and a man who looks vaguely familiar but who Charlotte can't place. The meeting begins and Charlotte feels the comfortable familiarity of prayers and readings that she's heard thousands of times.

The meeting begins with the Serenity Prayer – _God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference._ Charlotte has said these words for almost ten years now. She had recited them with Amelia on one of the worst days of her life, and she had recited them with a group of people in Santa Monica on the morning of one of the happiest days of her life – when she had married Cooper.

She listens as a group member recites, _Just for today my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs. _She is living and enjoying life these days in ways she never had before, and she sure as hell isn't going to throw that away. She deserves better than that. Her husband and son deserve better than that.

When the meeting is over a woman who Charlotte recognizes as a teacher at the local high school walks over. The woman grasps her arm, and tells her, "I'm very sorry to hear about your mother. If you need to talk, you can give me a call anytime." She hands Charlotte a slip of paper with her name – Beth – and phone number. Charlotte thanks Beth, and in that moment Charlotte feels comfortable and free in a town that has always been synonymous for her with secrets and silence.

Charlotte walks the two miles back to her family's house. Her legs could use the rest from running, and a peaceful, quiet walk feels like exactly what she needs. As Charlotte approaches the house, she spots Cooper and Mason outside on the lawn throwing a football.

Mason runs up to Charlotte. "Hi Momma," he says, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Charlotte hugs Mason tightly and lifts him off the ground, swinging him around. _Today she is going to live her life. Today she is going to enjoy every second she has with her family. Today she is not going to touch those damn pills in the house._

"You two are up and at 'em early," Charlotte tells Mason as she sets him back on the ground.

"I had to drag Dad out of bed to play with me. You should come play with us," Mason says.

"Sounds good to me," Charlotte says, and Cooper tosses her the ball as she walks over.

They get a bit of a game going. Cooper finds every opportunity possible to tackle Charlotte, so he can get her on the ground and start kissing her – an action that earns them an "Eww!"from Mason every time. Eventually during one of these prolonged kissing sessions, Mason decides that his parents are hopeless and heads towards the house. "Hey," Cooper says, "Where are you going?"

"I'm hungry," Mason replies, before continuing walking.

Charlotte rolls onto her back, stares up at the bright, cloudless sky. Cooper props himself up on his elbow, so he can look at his wife. "You went for a long run this morning," Cooper comments. He had woken up for a moment when Charlotte had left this morning and that had been almost four hours ago.

"I ran for two hours, and then I decided to go to a meeting," Charlotte tells him. "I need you to help me do something."

"Hmm?"

Charlotte turns to Cooper, and tells him, "I want to get rid of all the pills that my mother had hidden in this house. I just can't be so close to that right now."

Cooper's concerned about his wife. He never knows how to help Charlotte when she wants to use, and it freaks him out to not know what to do for her. Charlotte can see the concern written all over Cooper's face. She takes his hand and kisses it. "I'm ok, Coop. Going to the meeting helped. I just really need the pills out of the house." She doesn't add that she doesn't trust herself to hold the drugs in her hands without Cooper there and not take anything.

"Do you want to do that now while Mason's eating?" Cooper asks his wife. He's scared as hell that she's tempted right now, but he reminds himself that Charlotte is talking to him about this, that she asked him for help, that she went to a meeting – she's taking care of herself.

"Yeah, thanks," Charlotte says, before they stand and make their way to Charlotte's mother's room.

Charlotte sits down on her parents' bed, taking in the room. "This is a great bed," Charlotte tells Cooper. "Best bouncing bed ever." A huge grin spreads across Cooper's face, because he now has the most adorable image of young Charlotte bouncing on her parents' bed.

Charlotte gets up and goes to the bedside table. She takes out an orange prescription bottle. "Valium," Charlotte tells Cooper, and he walks over to take it from her. Charlotte hands Cooper the bottle, then comments, "that was never my drug of choice."

Charlotte walks to her mother's dresser, knows where her mother had kept her pills for decades. Charlotte finds the bottles of oxycodone behind her mother's sweaters. Her hands shake a bit as she hands the bottles to Cooper, who presses a kiss to her forehead. "I'm going to go get rid of these," Cooper tells Charlotte.

Cooper leaves and Charlotte stands in the middle of a room that still feels haunted by her mother's ghost. Charlotte can't imagine the loneliness of closing yourself in a room with bottles of oxy and Valium, while your children play on the other side of the door. Charlotte feels a deep sense of sorrow wash over her. Sorrow for a woman trapped by her own addiction, a woman who couldn't show love to her children.

The anger that had plagued Charlotte yesterday is fading. She walks back to her mother's bed, and sits down, smoothing her hands against the silk sheets. There were good moments here too. Charlotte remembers one day when she had snuck into her parents' room to jump on the bed. Her momma had come in, and instead of yelling at her daughter; Augusta had gotten on the bed and started jumping too. She had been drunk of course, but Charlotte had been too young to understand that then. All she knew was that her momma was jumping with her and smiling. Charlotte closes her eyes and pictures her momma's smile. Right now, Charlotte wants to focus on that and put all the rest of it aside.


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh my God!" Cooper squeals with delight. Charlotte turns around to find Cooper sitting on the floor with an open photo album in his lap.

They're leaving tomorrow, and Charlotte has recruited her husband and son to help pack up everything in her old room that she wants to take home. "That does _not_ look like helping to me," Charlotte drawls. Her accent has gotten thicker since they've been here. Cooper smiles, looking down at the photo of teenage Charlotte again – he is now imagining the young version of his wife with her impossibly adorable Southern twang.

Mason looks over his dad's shoulder at the picture. "You won the science fair, Momma?" Mason asks, glancing at Charlotte.

"Mmhmm." Charlotte had won the state science fair in her junior year of high school – a time when she had been sporting a spectacularly voluminous perm and clothes with shoulder pads.

Charlotte walks over to peek at the photo, and her suspicions are confirmed. She had teased her hair out extra large for the occasion and is wearing a flowery dress with some of the worst shoulder pads she has ever seen. Cooper smirks at Charlotte. "Do not laugh at me Cooper Freedman. I have a whole box of photos of you doing magic tricks and playing the tuba." Cooper's mother had brought the photos to show Mason when she had visited last month, but Charlotte had definitely been more excited about the pictures than her son had been.

"I would never laugh at you," Cooper reassures, but he can barely get the words out with a straight face.

Charlotte glances down at the picture again. Big Daddy is standing next to her, beaming with pride. He may have never told Charlotte that he loved her, but she certainly knew he was proud of her.

Charlotte had been fascinated by science since she was young. In junior high school, when her friends were signing up for home economics, Charlotte had insisted on taking extra science classes instead. She had been one of three girls in her physics class and had always prided herself of receiving top marks. Big Daddy had noticed that his little girl was really talented, and he had encouraged her to sign up for summer classes at the community college and to start doing research with faculty there while she was in high school.

Big Daddy could tell that his daughter was far too curious and intellectual to be satisfied without a career. Since she was small, Charlotte had dreamed of being a doctor. She hadn't shared in her friends' fantasies of big weddings and homes full of children. Charlotte knows that part of her aversion to that life had been that it was the path her momma had taken. Momma, who was one of the smartest people Charlotte knew, had spent her life at home while her husband was out in the world. Augusta had made no attempt to hide her dissatisfaction with where her life had led her, and Charlotte would not repeat her momma's mistakes.

Charlotte had become determined not to turn into her mother, so she had done her best to emulate her father instead. Charlotte learned his stoicism, his ambition, his perfectionism, and his desire to control everything in his life. Those traits had served Charlotte well in her career. They had guided her life until a few years ago when Cooper had come along and been so damn unrelenting in his love for her that Charlotte had started to wonder whether there could be more in her life than her accomplishments and her perfect sense of control.

"Think we can save show and tell until we get back home?" Charlotte asks, reaching down and snatching the photo album out of Cooper's hands.

Cooper looks at his wife with his best pout and whines, "but Momma!"

"I swear Cooper," Charlotte says, doing her best to look angry instead of amused.

"You going to punish me later?" Cooper asks, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

Charlotte's eyes dart to Mason. The innuendo has clearly gone over his head though, and he is still looking through the contents of Charlotte's bookcase. Charlotte gives Cooper a playful slap on the arm before joining Mason and looking through her old books.

Charlotte pulls down a few favorites that she can't bear to part with and leaves the rest of the books for her niece when she gets old enough to appreciate them. Landry and his family had decided to move into the house. All three siblings had wanted the house to stay in the family, and when Charlotte had declined the offer to move back to Alabama with a little chuckle, Landry had happily decided to move in.

"Any other books you want, Mase?" Charlotte asks, getting ready to tape up the cardboard box that she plans to ship to LA.

"Nope," Mason tells Charlotte, hopping on the bed and laying down. He puts his arms behind his head and watches his parents work. Charlotte looks at Mason and grins.

Somewhere along the line Charlotte had started to think that she was far too much like her momma for comfort. They were both honest, sarcastic, tough, and addicts. Charlotte hadn't been able to imagine herself as a warm, loving mother, and the best strategy Charlotte could think of to keep herself from turning into her momma in the mothering department was to not have kids.

Charlotte had only been married to Billy six months when he had cheated on her, so they had never broached the subject of children. Charlotte had married Cooper despite knowing that he was dead set on kids, and she supposes that she would have given into his insistences eventually, but she just never had been able to imagine herself with children before. Now, though, she can't imagine herself not being Mason's mother.

Charlotte seals up the box. "You two want to come with me into town to mail this?"

"Can we get ice cream after?" Mason asks.

"Absolutely," Charlotte agrees.

"Then yes, I want to come with you," Mason says getting off the bed. Cooper picks up the box, and they all make their way to the car.

Box in the mail, ice cream cones in hand, Charlotte, Cooper, and Mason settle themselves at a table just outside the ice cream shop on the main street of town. Cooper watches his wife, hair pulled up and off her neck, licking her ice cream. He swears, she should not be allowed to look this hot when they are with Mason. It just isn't fair. Cooper reaches a hand out and turns Charlotte's face to him. She smiles at him amusedly, as if she knows exactly where his mind is, before leaning in and kissing her husband.

Charlotte scoots her chair next to Cooper's and wraps her arm around his shoulders. The air is thick and hot again, and sitting in the shade with ice cream makes the heat just bearable. She's enjoying her ice cream – an obscenely decadent chocolate with brownie and fudge that is definitely going to necessitate an extra long run tomorrow morning. Cooper and Mason are each eating a strawberry cone with rainbow sprinkles. There are a lot of ways that Mason takes after his daddy – from his taste in ice cream to his musical skills to the goofy look he gets on his face when he's trying to keep a secret.

Charlotte is only fully realizing now how much fear had played into her resistance to having kids. She knows that genes aren't destiny, but she was more than a little uncomfortable with the lot she had gotten. Between that and the less than ideal role models she had, the idea of Charlotte being anything but a terrible parent had seemed absurd.

The crazy way that Mason had come into her life hadn't given Charlotte a choice. This kid had been dropped in her lap, and he had needed her. And, God, did Charlotte love Mason and want to help him so badly. She had followed her instincts, and somehow, they'd led her in the right direction. Charlotte had been able to be the mother that Mason had needed. She would never have believed she could be that person, but she is. She is a good mother, and that is the thing in her life that Charlotte is the most proud of.

"It's going to be time for back to school shopping when we get home, Mase," Charlotte says between licks of her ice cream cone.

"Don't remind me!" Mason whines.

"You need some new clothes, Mister. You're growing like a weed; all of your pants are going to be too short."

"Shopping's fine," Mason tells Charlotte, "It's school that's the problem."

It surprises Charlotte too, how much she likes the comfortable domesticity of her life. She looks forward to family game nights and back to school shopping – things that Charlotte would have turned up her nose at a year ago – because she gets to do them with _her family_.

"I remember you telling me not so long ago that biology was 'absolutely the coolest thing in the world,'" Charlotte reminds Mason.

"It is, and I like spelling and reading. It's just _school_ that I don't like," Mason tells his parents, making what he thinks is a pretty obvious distinction.

Charlotte and Cooper both chuckle. Cooper suggests, "Maybe you'll have a really good teacher this year."

"Maybe," Mason says skeptically.

Charlotte hears her brother's voice from behind her: "Well look who it is."

Charlotte turns around to see Landry, his wife Jenny, and their daughter Anne. "Hey! Want to come join us?" Charlotte asks.

Jenny glances at her watch and tells her sister-in-law, "Just for a few minutes. We have a bunch of things to do before we come over for dinner."

Landry grabs two chairs, and Jenny pushes the baby carriage over to the table. Charlotte coos at her one-year-old niece. "Hello there Annie," Charlotte says tickling the baby. Anne starts giggling, and Charlotte reaches into the carriage to pick her up.

Charlotte is bouncing Anne on her knee, and Cooper wonders briefly when his wife became a baby person. He distinctly remembers her not liking babies, but he's seen her finding find excuses to play with Henry and Lucas lately. Cooper wonders if this is Mason's doing, or if Charlotte has just changed as she got older. _Doesn't matter_, he decides. _It's cute to watch his wife cooing at babies, regardless of the reason._

"You know," Landry says, "Anne just loves her Aunt Charlie. It isn't fair to the girl to be coming around so infrequently."

_Way to lay on the guilt_, Charlotte thinks. "We'll try to get down here more frequently, I promise." It feels more important to Charlotte now that she has a kid that she visits her family more. She wants Mason to grow up with uncles and aunts and cousins, and since neither Cooper nor Erica have any living siblings, Mason should at least get to know his Uncle Landry and Uncle Duke.

Landry, Jenny, and Anne leave a few minutes later so they can finish running errands. "Want to go to the park for a little while Mase?" Cooper asks. They're almost all packed, so there's no point in going back to the house just yet.

Mason shrugs. "I guess."

Mason's quiet on the walk to the park, and when they get there he doesn't look like he's having very much fun. Cooper gets a call from a patient's parent and walks away to take it, leaving Charlotte sitting on a bench and studying her son. It's a balancing act of when to leave him alone and when to push him to talk to her. Right now she's leaning towards pushing. There had been such an abrupt shift in Mason's mood that Charlotte thinks that something must have set him off. Sometimes little things will remind Mason of Erica, and all of a sudden he'll go from happy and upbeat to sullen. Charlotte's still working on cataloging all the things that upset Mason, and right now, she doesn't have a clue what got to him.

Mason's sitting on a landing on top of the swing set and staring into the distance. He's facing away from Charlotte, so she can't read his face, and swinging his legs back and forth. Charlotte walks over to the swing set and climbs up the wooden stairs to the platform. Charlotte sits down next to Mason, who doesn't say a word. They sit for a minute before Charlotte asks, "What's wrong, honey?"

"Nothing," Mason tells her.

Charlotte raises an eyebrow at Mason. "Remember our deal?" They had agreed that if Mason was upset and really didn't want to talk about it that he could tell Charlotte that, but that he was never going to lie to her about what he was feeling.

Mason doesn't say anything; just keeps staring straight ahead. "Are you thinking about your mom?" Charlotte asks. Mason shakes his head and stays silent. "Please talk to me," Charlotte urges. "I can't help you unless you tell me what's bothering you."

It takes another minute, but Mason finally breaks the silence. "Are you and Dad going to have a baby?"

"I don't know," Charlotte tells Mason honestly. She and Cooper hadn't had a conversation about the topic for quite a while. And then Mason came along, and they are both still getting used to and enjoying having him in their lives. They definitely haven't started discussing possibly having another kid yet.

"How would you feel about having a little sibling?" Charlotte asks. She thinks based on Mason's demeanor that she knows where the conversation is heading, but she decides it's better to let Mason lead before she jumps to any conclusions.

Mason shrugs again, but the way his eyes suddenly fill with tears tells Charlotte everything she needs to know. Charlotte puts her hand on Mason's back, but he keeps his eyes fixed straight ahead. "Look at me," Charlotte tells her son, giving his back a little rub.

Mason takes a ragged breath, tries to keep tears from spilling onto his cheeks, and looks at his momma. Charlotte tells him firmly, "I love you more than anything in the world, and that will never change." She takes a breath, hopes her statement sinks in and that Mason believes it. "If your daddy and I have another kid, that would never change how much we love you."

"Maybe," Mason replies quietly. "But the baby would be yours."

Hearing Mason say that – hearing her son imply that he isn't really hers – hurts in a way that catches Charlotte off guard. Charlotte looks Mason square in the eyes, and tells him, "You are my son. It doesn't matter for a second that I didn't give birth to you. I love you just the same as if I had."

Mason's about to object and point out that Charlotte really can't know that since she's never had a baby and been able to compare, but then he notices that his momma's eyes are wet and she looks like she's trying to hold back tears. "What's wrong?" he asks.

Charlotte shakes her head, annoyed that she got so upset and let this conversation turn to her. She's about to say 'nothing' and return to talking about Mason's feelings, but then she realizes that being honest here might actually help. "I'm sorry, sweetie," she tells Mason, pushing his bangs back and smiling at him. "It just makes me upset to think that you don't know how much I love you. I don't ever want you to doubt that I love you just as much as I would a child that I gave birth to."

Mason thinks about this. He knows that his momma loves him. "But it would be different if you got pregnant and had a baby."

"Yeah. Some things would be different," Charlotte tells Mason, and the acknowledgement makes him feels a little reassured that his momma isn't lying. "But how much I love you and the baby would be exactly the same. Everyone is different, so if I had another kid I wouldn't have the exact same relationship with him or her that I have with you. But that would be true for two biological kids too. Different doesn't mean better or worse."

Charlotte watches Mason as he takes a breath, and he looks like he's really thinking about what she's said. "I love you so much, Mason," she tells him again, softly. Mason looks at Charlotte and nods, and she appreciates the acknowledgement that he knows she loves him.

Charlotte moves so that she's leaning against the wall of the swing set. "Come here," she tells Mason, and he scoots so that he's sitting next to Charlotte and leaning against her side. Charlotte wraps her arms around Mason and kisses his head. "I'm your momma, forever. Nothing will ever change the fact that you are the most important thing in the world to me."

Mason doesn't say anything, but he snuggles himself in a little closer. "Thank you for talking to me about this Mase," Charlotte says. "I'm really happy you didn't keep everything you were feeling to yourself." Charlotte thinks of Cooper, who spent his whole life wondering if he was a replacement for his brother, a fear that bred so many insecurities but that he has never talked to his parents about. Charlotte had grown up being taught that you do not give voice to your feelings, and she recognizes now how harmful that mentality can be. She wants her son to feel like he can talk to her and Cooper about anything.

Mason looks up at Charlotte a little worried. "I love you Momma," he tells her. _Does he think she doubts that after this conversation?_

"I know that. You can tell me anything, and it won't change out relationship." Charlotte gives Mason's arm a little squeeze and tells him jokingly, "You're stuck with me, kiddo."

Mason grins and tells Charlotte, "I'm ok with that."

"Good," Charlotte tells her son with a smile. "Want to play a game of catch? Your daddy's on the phone, but you and I can start and then he can join us."

"Sure," Mason says. "You're better at throwing than Dad is anyway."

Charlotte chuckles, before getting on the windy silver slide and making her way back to the ground. Mason slides down after her, and she wraps her arm around his shoulder and pulls him against her side. She and her son are building their relationship together. Maybe that's different from parenting an infant, and maybe it isn't what most mothers do. But she loves this. She loves getting to know Mason, growing closer to him everyday. Mason's her son, and it doesn't matter how he got to be that way. All Charlotte knows is that she could not possible love this little boy anymore.


	11. Chapter 11

The game of catch had turned into a short game of football, which in the Monroeville heat was enough to require showers before dinner. Charlotte walks out onto the back porch of her family's home feeling refreshed. She's left her hair to air dry so that she can enjoy the coolness of her damp hair resting on her back.

Charlotte finds Cooper sitting on the bench swing, a glass of lemonade in his hand, staring out into the distance. She sits next to her husband, and he wraps his arm around her shoulders. Charlotte steals the lemonade glass from Cooper, takes a long sip, and hands it back, before letting her hand rest on her husband's thigh and tilting her head to lean against his chest.

Cooper shivers slightly at the feel of Charlotte's wet hair against him. He looks down at her and smiles. Charlotte would kill him for thinking this, but sometimes he looks at his wife and she seems so small, and all he wants to do is gather her up in his arms and protect her. He's thankful that she lets him do that these days. She protects him too, of course. He might have 60 pounds on her, but Cooper knows that in the ways that really count Charlotte is probably stronger than he is. That doesn't matter, though, because they are as strong as they are together. Maybe it's a silly, romantic notion, but Cooper believes it. They've gotten through more together than they could have alone.

"Mason told me about your talk earlier," Cooper tells Charlotte. She had wanted to find a moment to pull him aside and talk about it, but she hadn't found an opportunity when Mason wasn't with them.

"What did he say?" Charlotte asks. She is excited at the prospect of gaining some insight into how Mason felt after she had talked to him.

"He seemed really touched by what you told him. He just sort of blurted out that you told him that you loved him as much as if you'd given birth to him."

"Did he seem like he believed me? I just didn't know what to do to convince him," Charlotte tells Cooper, turning to look at her husband.

"I think you said all the right things. You said everything that my parents told me that made me believe it didn't matter to them that I was adopted." This makes Charlotte feel a little better. "Mason knows you love him Charlotte. You should have heard him talking before; he knows," Cooper tells Charlotte confidently.

"It just breaks my heart to think Mason doesn't feel loved enough," Charlotte whispers.

"Char, I think you're blowing this out of proportion. Mason just needed reassurance."

"Is there something else you think I should be doing or saying?" Charlotte asks. She really hopes Cooper is right about this.

"Most of my conversation with Mason was about how much he loved hearing everything you said to him today. So, I'm sure repeating it never hurts, but I think he feels very loved."

Charlotte nods a little, and Cooper rubs her arm reassuringly. There's something else he wants to ask Charlotte, but he doesn't want to upset her or make her talk about something that she'd rather not discuss. Curiosity is about to get the better of him though. Being here in Alabama has made Cooper think a lot about something he's wondered about his wife for a long time. "Did _you_ feel loved as a child?"

"Sometimes," Charlotte tells her husband. It's an answer that breaks his heart. "Some days, when Momma was drinking, she would hug me and tell me how much she loved me, and other days she would close her bedroom door and refuse to acknowledge that Duke, Landry, or I existed. I think she loved us as much as she could, but I know that she resented us too."

Cooper gives Charlotte's arm a squeeze, and she looks over at her husband. His eyes are teary, and he looks like he's trying to figure out what to say. Charlotte smiles at Cooper and continues talking. "Big Daddy wasn't a believer in displays of affection. I know I was his favorite – Duke and Landry will not let me live that down." Charlotte stops there, and the lack of a real answer is all Cooper needs to hear. If someone asked him if he felt loved as a child, he would have told them that _of course he felt loved_. There wouldn't be a doubt in his mind or a need for an explanation. The question is too simple to require any of that. But it isn't simple for Charlotte.

Charlotte explains all this unsentimentally, and Cooper resists his urge to tell her how sorry he is and how much love she deserves. That would sound far too much like pity for Charlotte's comfort. He resists the urge, too, to remind his wife that he loves her so much that some days it still overwhelms him. She knows. She feels the same way. Those are two facts that Cooper doesn't doubt for a second. He simply pulls Charlotte to him for a long, slow kiss. When Charlotte pulls back, she smiles at Cooper, keeps her hands cradling his face, and nods. She knows. He doesn't need to put his love or his comfort into words. She feels it.

"I love you, Coop," Charlotte tells her husband, as her thumb caresses his cheek. It had taken Charlotte almost three years to say those words to him. She says them so easily now. To Cooper. To Mason every night when she tucks him in.

"I love _you_," Cooper replies, and gives Charlotte another, quick kiss.

Charlotte settles herself back against Cooper's chest and stares out at the land around her. Maybe her childhood here hadn't been ideal, but this was still home. No matter how long she is away, Charlotte always feels at home sitting on this porch or under her favorite magnolia tree. There would always be a special place in Charlotte's heart for the gnarly maple tree that she and her brothers could never resist trying to climb ever higher. And she would always smile when she thought about riding Marjorie along the river trail in the early morning. "It wasn't all bad, you know? I have a lot of good memories from when I was a kid."

"I'm glad," Cooper tells Charlotte truthfully. "Char," Cooper says a minute later, his wife once again seemingly lost in memories.

"Hmm?" Charlotte replies.

"I know you hate when I say this, but thank you for everything you do for Mason, for being such a good momma."

Charlotte sits up and looks at Cooper. "I hate it because it sounds like I'm doing you a favor, like taking care of our son is a favor to you. It makes me feel like you think I don't want to take care of Mase, like he's your son alone and I'm just helping out."

"Oh Char. I don't think that at all. I know you love him just as much as I do, and Mason thinks of you as one of his mothers, which makes that exactly who you are. How about this instead? I am so grateful that we are raising a family together."

Charlotte smiles and nods. That sounds much better. "So am I," she tells her husband.

They settle into a comfortable silence until Mason comes outside, freshly showered. "Hi," he says, walking over to his parents.

"Want to come sit with us?" Charlotte asks, moving over and making a spot for Mason between her and Cooper. Mason sits down and leans in against Charlotte. She wraps an arm around him, and Cooper keeps his arm around his wife's shoulders.

"Are you nice and cool now?" Charlotte asks. His hair is wet and smells like strawberries.

"MmHmm." Charlotte presses her lips to the crown of Mason's head, takes in the feel, the smell of her child. "I was thinking about what we were talking about before," Mason tells Charlotte a few minutes later. "It's ok with me if you guys want to have a baby."

Charlotte lets out a surprised laugh. She was not expecting that comment. She hopes what Mason is telling her is that he knows she loves him and that he wouldn't feel threatened by a baby sibling.

"Your daddy and I are going to have to take some time and talk before we think about a baby," Charlotte tells Mason. The idea of a baby still scares her, and she doesn't feel like anything is missing in her life right now. But Cooper and Mason are both gifts she never knew she wanted but absolutely adores and can't imagine her life without, so she won't rule out the possibility of having another kid.

"That's ok Momma. I just wanted you to know," Mason tells her lightly.

"Thanks Mase," Charlotte tells her son, wrapping both her arms around him and giving him a big squeeze.

Cooper watches them. Mason has a huge grin on his face. This trip has stirred up a lot of feelings for Mason, but Cooper thinks that his son has probably benefitted from having his anxieties exposed and soothed. Cooper is still impressed by how good Charlotte is at talking to Mason. Cooper is definitely grateful for that skill of hers though, because she has helped their son through a lot that Cooper isn't sure he could have handled as well on his own.

Cooper leans over, presses his lips to Charlotte's ear, and whispers, "I told you so." Charlotte smiles. She's happy for him to be right on this one.

Mason must be enjoying the cuddling time because he makes no move to go get his Pokémon cards or his Nintendo DS. Charlotte, Cooper, and Mason are sitting in the same spot a half hour later when Landry and Jenny arrive.

"Hey Baby Girl," Landry greets his sister.

"Isn't it enough that I let you keep calling me Charlie? But Baby Girl?" Charlotte asks making a mildly disgusted face, "I'm almost six years older than you, Landry."

"We're honoring Momma tonight, just thought we should keep her nickname for you alive."

"I'm ok if we let that one go," Charlotte tells her brother as he sits down in one of the cushioned wicker chairs.

"Someone's got to remind you where you came from. I know you're a big shot out in California, but what kind of little brother would I be if I let you forget where you started out?"

"I'm not forgetting," Charlotte tells Landry. "Don't you worry."

"Glad to hear it Baby Girl," Landry says, and Charlotte shakes her head with a smile.

When Duke shows up ten minutes later, Cooper and Landry are off in a corner drinking beer and talking about the last minute baseball trades. Despite a few attempts, Charlotte has never managed to care much about baseball, so she's sitting and chatting with her sister-in-law. Mason has sprawled himself out on the swing with his head on Charlotte's lap and his legs hanging over the armrest.

"You're putting the poor kid to sleep," Duke tells Charlotte. He sits down with Charlotte, Mason, and Jenny. "Isn't that right Mason?"

"Nah," Mason says, his shoulders shrugging against Charlotte's leg.

Bernie walks over to Duke, "What can I get you to drink?"

"Do you have any sweet tea brewed?" Duke asks.

"Of course."

"That sounds perfect. Thanks Bernie."

Charlotte raises an eyebrow at her brother. "Sometimes you give decent advice, sis. Figure it wouldn't kill me to cut back a bit." Charlotte smiles at her brother and nods.

"How are you at climbing trees," Duke asks Mason, who sits up and looks at his uncle. "Did your momma tell you that we have the best climbing tree in the world here?" Mason shakes his head. "Well we do."

"Awesome," Mason says, his face lighting up. Growing up in a city didn't give him too much of an opportunity to climb trees.

Duke stands up, "Come on." Mason and Charlotte both get up.

"You're coming too, Momma?" Mason asks.

"You bet. I am a far better climber than your Uncle Duke. Someone needs to show you how it's done."

"Awesome," Mason says again.

And then they're off to climb a tree that Charlotte has been climbing for thirty years now. Charlotte's laugh catches Cooper's attention, and he watches his wife and son climbing. Cooper wishes he could have spared Charlotte some of the pain of her childhood, but this place and these people had helped make Charlotte the woman she is, the woman he loves. And he wouldn't change a single thing about her.

* * *

_The End_


End file.
